Do social situations make you uncomfortable? Do you get shy, lose track of your vowels and consonants, or stand around awkwardly when you’re out and around other people? Not everyone has the ability to work a room, charm any individual they meet, or easily strike up a conversation with a stranger, but just because it doesn’t come naturally to you, doesn’t mean you’re doomed to be a recluse forever. Here are some tips that can help you be more outgoing and overcome roadblocks standing in the way of your social goals.
1. Stop letting the spotlight effect hold you back.
We tend to think that other people are constantly watching us and noticing everything we do. This is known as the spotlight effect, but the feeling is usually mostly in our heads. Rather than worrying about attracting attention, remember that everyone else has their own lives and insecurities to obsess about. You only think that all eyes are on you, and if you can quiet that thought you can start to relax and enjoy being around other people.
2. Tell yourself it’s an adventure.
Instead of seeing the prospect of going out and meeting new people as a terrifying or unpleasant activity that you have to overcome, think of it as a challenge. Treat it as an adventure, an opportunity for you to make precious memories and get acquainted with interesting people from all walks of life. Reframing your mindset in this way can minimize the discomfort you feel.
3. Practice your social skills.
Some people are naturally more sociable than others, but even the most charismatic didn’t become masters of socializing overnight. It takes practice! Think of things you’d like to be able to do in social situations and start practicing them one step at a time. It could be maintaining eye contact, smiling more, giving compliments, walking with your head up, or chatting more with the people you already see regularly like coworkers and store attendants.
4. Lean on small talk to break the ice.
You can’t just walk up to a person and start asking them about their job or their deepest secrets. You have to create a foundation first or you’ll freak people out. Small talk allows you to do that. By using conversation starters like commenting on the weather, a sports game, or paying compliments you can ease the tension, get people talking, and gradually steer the discussion towards more meaningful topics.
5. Take a trip out of your comfort zone.
Do the things that make you feel uncomfortable. If your first thought is to say “no” when you get invited out to drinks by colleagues, say “yes” instead. If you hate talking to strangers, try initiating a conversation with one stranger every day or week. Indulge in new activities that push you out of your comfort zone and see what happens. These experiences will help you sharpen your social skills.
6. Join a club, group, or class.
Spending time with people who share similar interests is a great way to socialize without too much pressure. You get to do a fun activity while interacting! You all share the focus, so the spotlight isn’t squarely on you. Join a book club or a gardening group. Sign up for dance or pottery classes. Think of your current hobbies or areas of interest and look for meetups in your area that cater to them.
7. Approach people with curiosity.
People enjoy talking about themselves, being known, and connecting with others. The secret to being more outgoing is tapping into that and prompting them to open up to you. How? By taking a genuine interest in them, asking open-ended questions, and actively listening to what they have to say—this way, you can come up with interesting follow-ups to keep the conversation flowing.
8. Say “yes” to any and every invitation.
Obviously, don’t agree to do things that offend your sensibilities. But if the activity is pretty harmless and you don’t have any competing priorities that could prevent you from showing up (Netflix and video games don’t count), go for it. You won’t have fun all the time, but each invitation is a chance to exercise your social muscles and be more outgoing.
9. Make plans with your existing friends.
You don’t necessarily need to meet new people or go the distance alone to be more outgoing. You can start with the people already in your social circle. Text or call up a coworker, a close relative you miss, or a friend you haven’t spent time with in a while. Find out what they’ve been up to lately and invite them to hang out. You can make plans to grab lunch, go over to theirs, or do something fun over video chat if distance is an issue.
10. Go where you’ll find people like you.
You’ll probably find it easier to be outgoing when you’re interacting and making friends with people who are interested in the same things you are. You won’t have to try too hard to create a connection or come up with things to talk about. If you love sports, go watch games at sports bars rather than staying home. Enjoy reading? Look for literary events in your city. If you love hiking, find a hiking community you can join.
11. Have people over
If you’re not ready to brave the outside world yet, you can become more outgoing and practice socializing without leaving your house. All you have to do is invite a bunch of people over to do something. It can be brunch, movie night, potluck dinner, game night, drinks and conversation, or watching a sports game; whatever you think they’ll (and you!) will have fun doing.
12. Don’t be afraid to talk about yourself.
The trick to being outgoing is striking a balance between creating a warm and engaging space for others to talk about themselves and sharing your feelings, anecdotes, and opinions. If all you do is ask questions without volunteering any information about yourself, people will view you as standoffish and snoopy, and be reluctant to interact with you.
13. Be confident in who you are.
Being outgoing is about being comfortable, warm, and easy-going in social settings. But before you can be comfortable with others, you have to get comfortable with yourself. Instead of copying others or doing things you don’t care for to fit in, try being yourself. Accept that you’re worthy of people’s attention and that what you have to say has value. When you’re relaxed and confident in yourself, that energy will radiate across your interactions.
14. Practice mindfulness to combat social anxiety.
If you’re the type who constantly overthinks social interactions, worrying what other people will think of you or what you should say or not say, practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded. Actively participate in conversations by listening intently so you know when to chime in. Pay attention to your surroundings. Focus on your breathing and the movements around you. When you feel your mind starting to wander, pull yourself back to the present.
15. Don’t dwell on negative experiences.
Some people are not going to vibe with you. You’re not always going to perform well in social scenarios. That’s okay. It’s part of the human experience. Rather than dwelling on conversations you bombed or times people didn’t react positively to you, see them as learning opportunities. Let them roll off your back like beads of sweat. Avoid blaming yourself or taking it personally. Let it go and try again, and then again. You’ve got this.
