Whether you’re involved in social or care work professionally or you’re just doing your part as a good friend, child, parent, neighbor, or member of the community, caring for others can greatly impact your well-being. You need to take conscious action to ensure you don’t burn out while being there for people. These tips and skills will help you stay grounded and prevent burnout as you practice kindness and compassion.
1. Use reflective listening techniques.
Burnout often arises from taking it upon yourself to fix the pain and struggles of others. You probably can’t do that, nor do they expect you to. Half of what people need in times of great turmoil is to feel heard and understood. They want someone to bear witness to what they’re going through and hold their hand in understanding as they sort their issues. Reflective listening is a way of mirroring experience by repeating what someone has said back to them literally or using your own words. This makes them feel like you truly connect with their experience.
2. Get comfortable with saying no.
If you keep stretching yourself to accommodate the needs of everyone, you’re going to burn out sooner or later. To prevent this from happening, you have to recognize when you’re at your limit and say no, no matter how guilty it may make you feel in that moment. Trust that they’ll figure it out without you or that someone else might step in to help. Even if they don’t or no one else does, that’s not your cross to bear. You can’t be there for everyone.
3. Let people tell you how to help them.
Sometimes, the help or support that people need from us is a lot simpler than we think. Letting people have a say in how you show up for them will allow you to show compassion more effectively, in ways they’ll heavily appreciate while enabling you to conserve your time and energy.
4. Set healthy emotional boundaries.
Being there for people often requires substantial emotional investment. To limit the risk of burning out, it’s important to set limitations on what you can or cannot (or won’t) do. Protect yourself by setting firm boundaries. Figuring out what’s in your control, what choices are up to the person you’re supporting, and how to help without getting too involved will allow you to remain empathetic and supportive while honoring your own needs.
5. Practice balancing empathy with detachment.
While being able to put yourself in someone’s shoes and understand what they’re feeling or going through allows you to better support them, it can also be a lot. This is why you also need to learn to practice detachment so you’re not soaking up other people’s problems to the extent that they become your own. Learn to separate your feelings from theirs and avoid making yourself responsible for their choices or outcomes.
6. Try to help in small ways rather than big ones.
One of the secrets of being there for others without burning out is to understand that you can’t do it all and try to help only within your capacity. You don’t have to plan a fundraiser or commit to bringing a sick friend meals every day if you don’t have the bandwidth to do this while managing your own life. You can still show that you care with smaller gestures like visiting once or twice a week and getting them a subscription to a food service.
7. Avoid taking responsibility for how others feel.
You free up a lot of physical and emotional energy by simply accepting that you’re not responsible for how the other person feels and it’s not your job to fix those feelings. Your work is simply to help and support them in meaningful ways as they navigate the experience. Accepting this will keep you from excessively burdening yourself and minimize the disappointment you’d feel if or when you don’t succeed in making their problems go away.
8. Take self-care seriously.
Caring for people and contributing to their happiness can be energizing in its own way, but it can also be draining over time. It’s important to prioritize self-care—take time for yourself to rest and refill your cup so you have a plentiful source to pour from. Practice doing things that help you feel rejuvenated routinely. This can be as simple as getting exercise, eating right, and sunbathing while reading a book. Do whatever works for you.
9. Be mindful of the warning signs of burnout.
Burnout doesn’t come all at once out of nowhere. There are always signs that indicate that you may be taking on too much and it’s time to destress or shed some of the weight you’re carrying. These signs include feelings of anxiety or irritability, trouble sleeping, poor decision-making, and dreading having to take care of someone. Paying attention to when you’re starting to feel overwhelmed will allow you to retrace your steps and rebalance your energy before burnout sets in fully.
10. Pick your battles wisely.
Whether you’re volunteering for social causes or just trying to be there for the people in your direct community, you’re better off focusing on one or two problems at a time rather than trying to solve them all. Trying to fix all of your loved ones or the world’s issues is a recipe for burnout because you’ll end up spreading yourself too thin.
11. Get others to pitch in.
You don’t have to do it all by yourself. Ask other members of your community for help. If a friend is in the hospital and you can’t visit them every day, but you think they’d benefit from having daily company, create a visiting roster and sign other mutual friends up for it. If your parent or sibling is depressed and you can’t be there for them right away, get someone else to visit. Lighten the burden of providing care and support by sharing it with the other people in your community.
12. Learn new methods for coping with stress.
Being there for people, even in a positive capacity, can be a lot of work. Developing healthy strategies for managing stress and the demands that come with these relationships will help ease their emotional and physical impact. Try meditation, deep breathing exercises, watching feel-good movies, taking long walks, dancing your heart out, or talking to a loved one whenever you feel overwhelmed.
13. Understand that you can’t change the world.
You can recognize someone’s pain and want to do something about it, but also have to carry the knowledge that it’s not in your power to change how they feel or to stop the world from hurting them. Being compassionate often means being content with making a small or direct difference in a few people’s lives while you wait for the world to catch up.
14. Be compassionate with yourself.
When someone you love is going through a hard time, it’s easy to feel like you should be doing more for them and this can quickly lead to a situation where you’ve overstretched yourself. It’s important to let go of that shame and guilt of not being able to match your desire to help with your ability to do so. You’re not a bad person for considering your capacity and not driving yourself to the limit to show your compassion. Remember that no act of kindness is too small or wasted and you’re doing the best that you can.
15. Lean on your support network.
As you’re helping others, don’t forget to allow people to be there for you too. Take advantage of your support network. Sate your own need for meaningful human connections. Make time to touch base with your loved ones, be it friends or family regularly. These interactions will help you feel better and take away some of the stress and burdens you may be carrying.
