The Bible calls the love of money “the root of all evil” (1 Timothy 6:10). We get that, really. None of us are super thrilled with the trillionaires and their yachts. We know what greed and excess look like. But at the same time…we’d like to not be sweating in the grocery store. Financial stress is affecting more people these days, wreaking havoc and causing strain—especially in a marriage, where you have two people with differing ideas and financial histories. Staying in love during budget talks is hard. But it can be done, let us help!
1. Remember The Real Enemy
Hint: it’s not your spouse. The economy is the enemy. Inflation is the enemy. The housing market is the enemy. I repeat: it is not your spouse. (Barring, of course, extreme cases.) Keep that in mind at all costs!
2. Set Specific Goals (Together)
Just saying “We’d like to be in a better financial place” doesn’t do much. It’s too vague. And it’s hard to reach a goal that’s just an idea. Instead, sit down together and decide on specific goals you’d like to reach. For example: do you want to be homeowners? Set a goal to save a downpayment.
3. Create A Budget
This one will require a mindset shift, most likely. Most people think of a budget as a sheet of paper that tells you what you can’t do. But you’ve got to flip the script! Choose to see your budget as freeing. The budget tells you what you have. It tells you what you can spend! A budget ensures that your base needs and bills will be taken care of, and that should make you feel safe.
4. Budget In “Fun”
Life on a budget doesn’t have to mean complete misery. Budget in a little bit of fun, even if it’s a tiny amount. Maybe budget in a monthly date night, or one iced coffee per week. Reward systems are great motivation, and you need something to look forward to—no matter how small! A little treat is still a treat!
5. Have An Emergency Fund
This may not be immediately doable, and that’s understandable. But it is something you should work to build because you need some sort of safety net. You need to know that if a tire blows out, things won’t completely fall apart. That constant, underlying stress will absolutely overflow into your marriage. You need to build that security together!
6. Communicate Calmly And Openly
It’s okay to be frustrated. It’s okay to say, “I’m frustrated because I want to go on vacation this year, and we can’t.” But don’t say these things in the heat of an argument. Keep financial talk as calm, kind, and honest as possible. Talking about finances in anger is never going to do any good.
7. Avoid Blaming One Another
Again, your spouse is not the enemy. Don’t be tempted to think “Oh, if my wife wouldn’t go to Starbucks so much, we could have bought a house by now” (highly unlikely, by the way). If you are in a financial hole of your own making, it likely took both of you to get there. But remember that times are financially hard on more people than not these days. Your husband buying energy drinks, though he may need to cut back, is not the reason you’re not in the Bahamas.
8. Consider Accountability Methods
For example, some banks offer a service where you can set a price limit, and if anything purchased goes over that limit, you will receive a text. This isn’t so that you can “catch” your spouse overspending. It’s for both of you. For accountability. To make each of you think before spending. If impulse spending is a habit for you, this can be particularly helpful.
9. Create A Sustainable Plan
If it’s not sustainable for the (relative) long run, you won’t stick to it. Don’t commit to investing $400/month if you know it will mean you can barely buy groceries. You have to live the life you actually have—and budget for it, too. Look at your real life and the real people in it, and plan accordingly.
10. Be Patient With Each Other
If your spouse is used to eating more takeout than you can currently afford to do, then expect some growing pains. Expect them to struggle and be frustrated. Be patient with one another. It takes time to adjust to a new lifestyle, especially when that lifestyle involves cutbacks. But having patience with one another now will absolutely pay off later.
11. Consider Professional Help
There are people who do this for a living. Find a CPA, a financial planner, etc. Sometimes having an objective voice in the conversation can be immensely helpful. A professional can make you feel more equipped and empowered to take on this financial journey together!
12. Avoid Comparison
Don’t compare yourself to friends. Easier said than done, I know. But remember that your friends’ financial situations do not make them inherently better. It does not mean their marriages are stronger. Just because the Joneses aren’t struggling financially doesn’t mean they aren’t struggling in other ways. We’re all on different journeys.
13. Celebrate The Small Victories
You don’t have to wait to celebrate until you’ve got it all together. (Because that time will never fully come.) Celebrate the little thing, like saving 1/4 of a downpayment. Or that there’s enough in your emergency fund to cover a month’s rent. Celebrate that you’ve stuck to the budget for a whole month!
14. Have “Money Dates”
This is a fun one. And just because it says “date” doesn’t mean it has to be expensive. Grab a pint of your favorite ice cream at the grocery store, and have it out on the front porch while you discuss money. Wait until the kids go to bed and open a bottle of wine. Go grab a coffee or a soda and talk on the drive. Build intimacy while you build up your finances!
15. Find Free or Low-Cost Activities
This is especially easy in the summer season. Most cities host all sorts of events at parks, downtown areas, etc. when the sun comes out. Walk through an art festival. Go play pickleball. Watch for fast food promos, and go get milkshakes when they’re half-price! You still deserve to have fun!
16. Practice Intentional Gratitude
You may not have everything you want—none of us do—but you have at least one thing to be grateful for each day—even if it’s just the color of the sky and the love of your spouse. Practice being grateful for one another and for the life you’re making together. There is good everywhere. Look for it. You’re building a beautiful life.
