How To Get A Girlfriend: Blunt Advice From Women For Guys

Listen up guys — if you want to get a girlfriend, you’re going to have to start trying (and by trying I don’t mean merely swiping). That means making the effort and showing that you truly like someone, with, you know, actual emotions. Here’s some blunt advice on how to get a girlfriend.

1. Just book the damn date! When asking someone out, the worst thing to do is to go back and forth trying to choose somewhere to go and asking what the other person likes to eat, etc. Even worse is usually relying on a woman to organize everything to merely “hang out sometime.” Call it what it is — a DATE — and book somewhere so it cuts out all the long texting back and forth about where to go and what to do. A coffee or casual drink is usually what happens anyway, so it’s not that hard to organize.
2. Don’t waste time waiting to be exclusive. If you like someone and you get the sense they like you too, don’t waste time waiting to be exclusive. Although the exclusivity talk can be a bit stupid because it’s simply respectful not to date others (and not sleep with others) while you’re dating one person (and probably sleeping with them), it can still be important to mention where you stand in the relationship. If you want to get a girlfriend, let her know you only want to date her and you’d like that to be reciprocated.
3. Be upfront about wanting a relationship. If you’re only dating one person, you’ll probably end up becoming boyfriend and girlfriend anyway, but still be upfront that this is where it is heading. If you want to be in a relationship, it’s important to let the other person know because two people need to choose to be in the relationship, not just one.
4. Do what you say. To get a girlfriend, you need to back up your promises. If you say you’re going to be somewhere at a specific time, help them with something, or meet their family and friends, back this up with matching actions. A lot of people make false promises or say a lot of grand things that will never come to fruition. Don’t be this guy and you’re more likely to get a girlfriend when a woman sees that you’re a man of your word.
5. Make an effort. If you want to get a girlfriend, you’re going to have to make an effort. You may have to travel a bit to see her, remember things she likes for you to do together, and keep communicating about how things are going. If there’s no effort, there’s no relationship. Don’t rely on her to make all the effort to be with you and stop expecting women to take on all the emotional labor.
6. DO NOT play games. Don’t play hot and cold and give her affection then take it away instantly. This is an awful way to treat someone when you should be focusing on consistently treating someone well. If you’re a game player, don’t even bother trying to get a girlfriend. You may get one but they’ll end up hating you anyway.
7. Be thoughtful. Be thoughtful around the woman you want as a girlfriend. Doing little things is just as important (probably even more important) than bigger displays of affection. Do little things like pick up takeaway when you see that she’s tired, get her favorite bottle of wine, make a coffee for her in the morning, put your arm around her when she’s cold. If you want a girlfriend, you should be showing her you care about her by keeping her in your thoughts and wanting to make her life better.
8. Actually listen to what she wants. Don’t assume what a potential girlfriend wants from you. Ask her if you’re not sure and truly listen to the answer. And remember to ask if she wants to be your girlfriend in the first place. If the answer is no, take on the feedback as to why. It may be because she’s not looking for a relationship or it could be something you’re not providing. Taking on feedback will only help you on the path to getting a girlfriend in the future.

1. Make her a sandwich. Stereotypical gender roles really won’t help you in getting a girlfriend. Expecting a woman to do all the household chores, cook you food, and be submissive in general will limit who you end up in a relationship with (if you end up in a relationship at all!). Of course, there are women who like to nurture their partner and take care of someone but not if they’re being taken advantage of. Make sure to show you can take care of her too and discuss what the expectations of the relationship are in terms of equality.
2. Speak about her respectfully to your family and friends. If you’re going to constantly complain about a woman or put her down to other people, why do you even want to be with her? You should be speaking respectfully about the woman you want as your girlfriend and also be proud of her. Some things should also remain private about the relationship too, so if you want to get a girlfriend, analyze the way you speak about women in general.
3. Meet her friends and make an honest first impression. People can strive so hard to make a good first impression, so much so they’re a shadow of who they actually are as a person because they’re on their best behavior. If you’re truly a good guy, you won’t need to try so hard when meeting her friends for the first time because you know can be yourself around everyone. Focus on the good qualities you want people to see from you. When you’ve got a good rapport with her friends, they’ll probably be saying what a catch you are.
4. Maintain your independence. No one likes someone who is needy. When you really like a woman, it’s easy to want to spend all day with her and wonder what she’s doing and invite her to everything, but it’s important to have your own things to do too. If you want to get a girlfriend, you’ve still got to be an independent person who can talk to people at parties without her having to babysit you and try new things without someone coming with you.
5. Don’t be a slob. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve watched a guy eat, only for the food to continually fall out of his mouth. Present yourself well by dressing nicely and eating properly. Don’t expect women to make all the effort in terms of appearance. It’s up to you to show yourself off too if you want someone to pick you.
6. Don’t be lazy once you get a girlfriend. You can get a girlfriend, but you can also lose one just as easily. You’ve got to keep up the things you were doing to woo her in the first place and keep showing you’re the kind of man she willingly chooses to be with every day.
7. Work on yourself first. Don’t enter into a relationship to fill a void, because you want to be looked after, or because you like to have a woman around but will cheat on her anyway to inflate your ego. You need to work on yourself first to make sure you’re going to be a great partner if you truly want a girlfriend. Work on having open conversations about relationships, how to treat women well, and what you’re going to do to make yourself someone a lot of women would want to be with.