How To Get Him To See You As More Than A Friend

We’ve all been dropped smack dab in the middle of the friend zone before. Maybe it’s a guy you liked immediately but he doesn’t seem interested in being more than platonic pals, or maybe it’s someone you’ve known a long time that you’ve just started to look at differently. Either way, it seems unlikely he’s going to make a move, and you’re afraid you might ruin your friendship if you confess your undying love and catch him off guard. However, there are some subtle ways you can communicate your interest without it being a big scene that could leave you wishing you kept your mouth shut. Here’s how to get him to see you as more than a friend.

  1. Quit acting like one of the guys. If you’re always there chugging beers, yelling at the football game, making fart jokes, and generally acting like one of the guys, he might have subconsciously relegated you to platonic-ville simply because he’s not sexually attracted to guys and he associates you with more masculine qualities. He might need a quick reminder that you’re a girl, so maybe just cool it on the vulgar jokes.
  2. Don’t act like a kid sister, either. If he’s treating you like a naive little girl he needs to protect, then it’s almost guaranteed he’s not going to be attracted to you. No guy wants to bone the girl he sees as his little sister. Don’t allow him to infantilize you (and by the same token, don’t act like a baby around him). You’re a grown-ass woman, so act like it.
  3. And never, never act like his mother. He already has a mother; he doesn’t need your nagging on top of hers. Most guys don’t like to be babied or told what to do, and if he does, then you might want to rethink this crush. On the flip side, there are some guys who are looking for a replacement mother rather than an equal partner. In that case, you’re better off keeping your connection light rather than transitioning to anything more than a friend.
  4. Don’t tell him every little thing. You need to maintain a little mystery, or else what’s his motivation to ask you out? Half of the fun of dating is getting to know someone new, so make sure he doesn’t already know about everything from your junior high crush on Zack Morris, to when your next period is projected to begin.
  5. Don’t let him ask you for advice on other girls. You can’t be the girl he comes to with his girl problems. As much as you want to be as close to him as you can, if he sees you as a go-to girl advice person, he’s most likely not going to see you as a potential girlfriend.
  6. Try a little harder, appearance-wise. There’s no need to do a complete makeover — you still need to be yourself and be comfortable with how you look, but a little makeup and a few more minutes spent on your hair can go a long way. However, making sure you’re wearing things that make you feel hot and loving the person you see in the mirror go a long way.
  7. Don’t act jealous. If he’s going out with other girls, getting jealous isn’t going to help anything. If he notices you acting weird around other girls he’s seeing, he might guess that you have feelings for him, and he’ll also see the jealous side of you that would be sure to still be present if you were his girlfriend.
  8. Start with subtle flirting. If you want him to notice you’re interested in a little more than friends, start by changing your body language. Hold his gaze, stand a little closer to him, and touch him lightly when it’s appropriate. No more smacking his butt as he walks away like you’re on the football field. Sorry.
  9. Show an interest in him. Ask him questions. Remember the things going on in his life so you can ask him about them later. Make an effort to chat with him one on one during group hangs. That way you’ll be able to get closer and get to know each other better in a no pressure, friendly environment before anything romantic ever happens.
  10. Ask him to do things just the two of you. You can casually ask him to hang out without making it seem like it’s a date. Maybe you really want to see a new horror movie in theaters but no one else likes scary movies, or you’re the only two in your group that love sushi. Find things you guys can do together that no one else will want to tag along on, so it’ll seem like it’s just an accident you ended up alone.
  11. Tell him how you feel… eventually. If you’ve done all the groundwork and he seems responsive to your hints, then it may be time to let the cat out of the bag. You don’t have to blurt out “I LOVE YOU!” or anything. Just casually mention that if he were to ask you on a date, you might say yes. Then the ball is in his court. If he’s not feeling it, that’s his loss.
By day, Courtney is a digital marketing copywriter living in Toronto, Canada. By night, she's a freelance lifestyle writer who, in addition to Bolde.com, contributes regularly to AmongMen.ca, IN Magazine, and SheBlogs Canada. Want to chat about relationships, Stephen King or your favorite true crime podcast/documentary/book? She's on Twitter @courtooo.
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