Breaking up’s a pain in the ass, but it happens to everyone at some point. However, it’s even worse getting over a breakup when it’s all your fault. Not only are you trying to deal with losing someone you cared about, you’re also filled with guilt. It’s a double whammy and it hurts like hell.
Take time to let go and then move on. It’s the only thing you can do. Sure, it sucks right now, but what breakup doesn’t?
- Accept that you screwed up. The first step is to accept that you did screw up. Maybe you lied or cheated with their best friend. Whatever you did, accept it and know that there’s nothing you can do to change it now.
- Realize it probably would’ve ended anyway. If you sabotaged the relationship, it’s probably a good sign that the relationship wasn’t going to last. While it’s not always the case, it’s at least a small consolation that maybe you put the relationship out of its misery early.
- Stop blaming everyone else. You really don’t want to accept the blame, so you place blame everywhere else. If they’d shown up on time or liked your friends more, then maybe nothing would’ve gone wrong. You can blame everyone else, but until you accept that it was your fault, you’ll never get over it.
- Confess to your BFF. It might be tempting to try and keep talking things out with your ex, who probably really doesn’t want to talk to you right now. Just don’t. They need some time, too. Talk it all out with your best friend. You need someone you can trust who isn’t afraid to be honest with you.
- Is this a recurring mistake? Think back over past relationships. Is this something you keep doing? Figuring out that there might be a serious problem is a crucial step is getting over this breakup and preventing more mistakes later.
- Try to actually learn something. Stop agonizing over the what ifs and start learning from what you did this time. Why did you push them to the side, lie, cheat or pick fights endlessly? Think of the breakup as a learning opportunity so you don’t let another great person go.
- Forgive yourself. You’ve placed blame, learned and accepted what happened. Now, it’s time to forgive yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. The consequences might seem severe right now, but no one’s perfect. You have to forgive yourself if you ever want to let go and move on.
- Take some time to enjoy rolling solo. It’s not all bad. After all, you get to enjoy all the many benefits of being single. Maybe you really just wanted to be single again and you subconsciously screwed everything up. Now’s your chance to take some time just for you. No dating and definitely no rebound relationships.
- Apologize to your ex. While they might not want to hear from you, try to get them to at least listen to your apology. It’s best to do it face to face, but if all you keep getting is their voicemail, take what you can get. They might not forgive you, but a sincere apology after the breakup helps you heal.
- Take a break and try again. If your ex can forgive you for whatever went wrong, maybe the two of you can try again. You’ll definitely want to take a break first to let both of you get over what happened. Give them time and space to work through things before trying to get back together.
- Remind yourself you’ll find someone new. No matter how much you cared about your ex, you’ll find someone new. No, it might not be the day after your breakup, but a few months or a year from now, you will find someone. Your ex wasn’t the only single person left.
- Stay to close to friends in the meantime. This type of breakup makes you sit and dwell more than others. Keep your friends close while you heal. They’ll keep your spirits up and keep you from doing something stupid like hooking up with random people to numb the pain.