If you’ve ever been accused of having narcissistic personality traits, you know it doesn’t feel good (even if it’s not completely false). If you’re tired of pushing people away or feeling like the world revolves around you, there’s hope. Here’s how to change those self-centered tendencies and become the kind of person other people actually love being around.
1. Realizing you have those traits is the biggest step.
Seriously, if you’re even worried about this, you’re miles ahead of some hardcore narcissists. Owning up to the fact that you might be a bit too focused on yourself is huge! It takes guts to look in the mirror and be like, “Okay, maybe I need to work on some things.” Plus, just being aware can help you start catching yourself when you slip into those old patterns, Positive Psychology notes.
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2. Ditch the idea that you’re superior to everyone else.
Nobody’s perfect — not you, not your bestie, not that celeb everyone worships. Everyone messes up, and everyone has good and bad qualities. Start thinking of yourself as an equal, not the king or queen of the universe. It’s honestly less exhausting to see everyone as simply human, yourself included.
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3. Practice listening — like, actually listening.
Narcissists can zone out when other people talk, just waiting for their turn to shine. Instead, try truly hearing what your friends or coworkers are saying. Ask questions, show you’re paying attention, and try to put yourself in their shoes for a minute. You might be surprised by what you learn, and the other person will feel genuinely valued.
4. Apologize sincerely when you screw up.
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Sorry, but sometimes you’re gonna be in the wrong. Drop the defensiveness and just own your mistakes. A simple “I messed up, I’m sorry” goes way further than you might think. Plus, it shows you respect the other person enough to admit when you’ve caused them hurt.
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5. Celebrate when other people win.
It’s not a competition! Your friend getting a promotion doesn’t make you less awesome. Get in the habit of being genuinely stoked for other people – it’s honestly pretty freeing. Focusing on their success helps take that pressure off yourself to always be on top.
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6. Start doing things for other people without expecting anything back.
Volunteer your time, offer help to someone struggling, even tiny acts of kindness make a difference, The New York Times reveals. It helps you stop obsessing about yourself and seeing the world as all about what it can do for you. Plus, focusing on making someone else’s day a bit brighter actually makes you feel good, too.
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7. Therapy isn’t a bad word, seriously.
Narcissistic tendencies often come from deeper stuff – insecurities, maybe past hurt. A good therapist helps you unpack that baggage so you can build healthier relationships. No shame in asking for help! Sometimes, getting an outside perspective is the best way to break through those old ways of thinking.
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8. Learn to take criticism without freaking out.
Nobody likes getting called out, but it’s how we grow. Instead of getting defensive, try to see if there might be a grain of truth in what the other person is saying. You don’t have to agree with everything, but just hearing it out helps. Honestly, if someone cares enough to give you constructive feedback, that’s probably a person worth keeping in your life.
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9. “My needs are the only ones that matter” has gotta go.
Compromise is a part of life! Relationships aren’t 100% about you getting your way all the time. Learn to meet people halfway, consider their wants, and find solutions that work for everyone involved. It might feel weird at first, but having truly reciprocal relationships is way more rewarding in the long run.
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10. Stop trying to control every little thing.
Life is messy and unpredictable. Getting anxious when things don’t go according to plan is exhausting! Let go a little, accept that you can’t control everyone and everything, and just roll with the punches sometimes. Plus, a little spontaneity can be fun! You might discover things you’d never have planned for yourself.
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11. Practice gratitude every freakin’ day.
Take a few minutes to think about all the good stuff in your life. This could be friends, your health, a funny meme, whatever! When you focus on what you have instead of what you lack, it shifts your attitude in a major way. A grateful mindset makes it harder to be bitter or feel like everyone owes you something.
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12. Ditch the need to always be the center of attention.
Let other people have their moment in the spotlight. You’ll survive, promise! Sometimes taking a step back and giving others space makes you seem even more confident. Plus, if you always need to be the star of the show, you miss out on getting to know some really interesting people.
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13. Learn the difference between confidence and arrogance.
Confidence is cool, arrogance is obnoxious. It’s about knowing your worth without thinking you’re better than everyone else. Big difference! True confidence comes from within, not from constantly tearing others down to prop yourself up.
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14. Remember: Empathy is a superpower.
Truly trying to understand how other people feel makes you a better friend, partner, and all-around good human. If you always put yourself first, you’re missing out on real connection. Empathy helps you build strong relationships that last way longer than the attention you might get from being the loudest person in the room.
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15. It takes time, so don’t get discouraged.
Changing ingrained habits ain’t easy! There’ll be slip-ups, but that’s okay. Just keep recognizing your patterns, working on it, and eventually, it gets a little easier. Every time you choose to listen, or compromise, or celebrate someone else’s win, you’re strengthening those empathy muscles.
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16. You’re not doomed to be a narcissist forever.
The fact that you’re even reading this means you want to change. It’s possible! Celebrate small wins, be patient with yourself, and you’ll get there. Remember, it’s about progress, not perfection! Even tiny shifts in how you interact with others can make a big difference over time. It won’t happen overnight, but with a little effort every day, you can become someone you’re genuinely proud of.
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