If you sometimes feel like a ticking time bomb that’s ready to explode at the smallest frustrations, you might be emotionally reactive. Ditto if people say you can be a tad dramatic. Other signs that you’re emotionally reactive include if you’re quick to get defensive when people criticize you or you can’t help but feel like things and people are causing you to feel this way. The truth is, you have the power. You don’t have to lose your cool or get stressed. Here are 14 ways to help you not react emotionally the next time something gets under your skin.
1. Get out of The Situation.
If you’re used to reacting quickly and emotionally to things, it can help you to press pause on your feelings. Step away from the situation. If you’re in a conversation with someone and they’re bugging you, excuse yourself really quickly. Take a few deep breaths and tell yourself to stay calm. This way, you can return to the situation a bit more zen.
2. Spot Your Triggers.
It helps to identify what triggers you. This can be overwhelming at first, especially if you’re so used to blowing up that you don’t really know what’s underlying your emotions. Keep a mood journal so you can track your emotions and see when you get triggered. You might see some patterns, which can help you preempt the burst of emotions. While you’re at it, keep a gratitude journal to boost your mood.
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4. See The Aftermath Of Your Outbursts.
You can lose your cool in one second, but the aftereffects can last for hours or days. You might feel guilty or sad, or you could potentially destroy relationships. Think about the consequences of your emotional reactivity. Note them down and remind yourself of them in a stressful moment. This will help you to feel more capable of stopping your emotional onslaught in the future because you don’t want the stress of dealing with what happens afterward.
5. Check In With Yourself.
Imagine you’re stressed out during your morning commute. You’re ready to blow up at the driver behind you who cut you off earlier. Instead of reacting right away, ask yourself some quick questions: Is this worth my energy and time? Is this something I’ll later regret? Is this increasing my stress levels? You can also ask yourself what you’d say to a friend in this situation. Yup, stepping back is always a better choice than acting out.
6. Identify What You’re Really Feeling.
You might say you’re feeling angry or frustrated, but dig deeper into your emotions to understand their sources better. Maybe you’re feeling angry because your toxic friend made a harmful comment which was belittling and that makes you sad. So, you’re really dealing with sadness here. Aha! Getting to the root of what you’re feeling will help you because when you acknowledge the feelings, it goes a long way to diffusing them.
7. Communicate Your Feelings.
If you’re feeling misunderstood because people don’t get what you’re feeling, perhaps the issue is that you’re not expressing or communicating effectively. If you’re shouting or crying, for example, this can make people react by shutting down and tuning you out. So, take the time to communicate what you’re feeling, such as by explaining, “When someone criticizes me, I feel hurt” or “I’m crying because I feel helpless in my life.” Be vulnerable and honest. It’ll help people better understand and help you.
8. Start Meditating Daily.
When you react emotionally to a trigger, it can sometimes feel like the rage and frustration takes over. You might feel like you’re not centered or even in your body. It’s scary. This is where meditation can help you to ground yourself. It also has the bonus of helping you diffuse negative thoughts that can lead to an outburst of emotion, so it’s worth doing regularly. Even if you just have five minutes to sit quietly and breathe, it’ll help.
9. Zap Your Stress Levels.
Having a healthy release for stress can prevent it from accumulating inside your body. Hit the gym to literally sweat out your frustration (punching bags can be a real gem here) or write down what you’re feeling. Go to a dance class or listen to a power track. Jump on your skateboard or go watch a comedy show.
10. Start Active Listening.
If your triggers usually involve interactions with other people, it can help you to take the focus off yourself and how you’re feeling and instead focus on the other person by active listening. This is when you don’t only give half your attention to what the person’s saying or jump to conclusions before they’ve uttered their words, but you wait for them to speak and you avoid making judgments. You really listen. Most disagreements and defensive reactions occur from misunderstandings, so active listening can help you prevent them.
11. Are You Hungry Or Tired?
If you’re reacting dramatically to something that doesn’t usually get under your skin, it’s worth checking that you’re looking after yourself. Have you eaten to prevent a drop in blood sugar levels? Did you get enough sleep so you’re not feeling cranky and irritable? Basic self-care can help you to stay calmer so you’re not a target for your triggers.
12. Use Humor To Diffuse Situations.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do in a stressful situation is to find something funny about it. If your partner’s arguing with you because you’re late again, apologize but make a joke about it instead of having a shouting match. If your dad’s given you a nasty comment yet again, imagine them floating around in a tutu. Whatever helps you to find something funny, think about it.
13. Be Empathetic To Those Around You.
If people find it difficult to communicate with you or they’re actively avoiding you because of anger issues, it’s time to start getting some empathy instead of thinking about how you’ve been wronged. Put yourself in other people’s shoes, even if they’re the ones you think are always giving you a hard time. By being empathetic, this could help them to give you the same treatment, creating peace instead of a hostile environment.
14. Talk Through Your Assumptions.
Sometimes, we start making assumptions about situations we know nothing about and this fuels our anger and despair. So, take a step back and think through your assumptions. Is your best friend really flirting with your boyfriend or are you just feeling insecure? Would she really go ahead and cheat with him? If she did, would he go for it so easily? By talking through your assumptions, you’ll provide a reality check for them, which can help to prevent you from bringing drama to those around you without having all the facts.
15. Stop Yourself From Catastrophizing.
You lose a client at work and you feel like a failure. Not only that, but your feelings get out of control so you start catastrophizing. Maybe you fear that other clients will follow suit and then you’ll be jobless. You won’t have money, so you won’t be able to pay rent. Woah! Retreat to a quiet space and write down what you’re feeling – things are always different when written on paper in front of you. Coach yourself through the worst-case scenarios and brainstorm creative solutions. This is so much more constructive than letting the worries accumulate in your head and cause your emotions to run away with you.
