Is there anything more frustrating than a guy who won’t commit? Or, equally, one that thinks he’s the best thing since sliced bread? No, is the short answer. Follow-up question: why is it always the blandest men who kick up the most fuss? These players just aren’t worth the hassle most of the time, so why not give them a taste of their own medicine? Here’s how to play the player and get your own back!
- Go out without him. Don’t be subtle about it, either. Take all those provocative pictures, wear an amazing outfit, and embrace your confident side. Show him what he’s missing. More than that, tell him that you won’t wait around for him. To quote my discerning sister: ‘as if I couldn’t fill out a first, second, and third-team squad – with benches – filled with interested guys. Female players have a lot to offer. Why not embrace the attention? No one should be ashamed or guilty when they attract other people. Show the world and he’ll be sat at home liking your pictures and wondering where it all went wrong.
- Play hard to get. Don’t be on standby and constantly drop plans to meet with him. Show him that you’re in control and that you value your time more than his. Until he can prove himself as a worthwhile partner, don’t give him the time of day. He has to work and put the effort in for you. If he doesn’t, it saves everyone a boatload of time to have remained independent.
- Leave him on read. I said it. It’s controversial, I know, but hear me out. If he deigns to reply to you once in a blue moon, why would you reply immediately? Don’t give him the satisfaction. If you’re replying so infrequently, there’s no connection. By all means, keep things as a casual hookup, but if you want to play the player, you have to keep it cool. Blow him off. Keep him on his feet. Don’t be predictable.
- Make the first move. If you are interested and you like where things are going but you still want to change things up, don’t be afraid to make the first move. Players will expect to be in control. Instead, set the terms of the relationship for yourself. Don’t let him give you the ‘I’ll text you later’ nonsense. Your time is too valuable to wait around. Ask him out. Be bold.
- See other people. Both of you understand that this thing is casual. Unless you have had a conversation to the contrary, seeing other people is fair game. Don’t lock yourself down. He won’t. Keep your options open and have fun. Truthfully, the talking stage is no fun so make sure you get your laughs in somehow.
- Experiment. With everything. Use the player as a trial run, basically. Be shameless about it. He’s doing the same thing. Try out new relationship boundaries, new positions in bed, and different communication styles. Figure out what works for you. There’s much more time to do this when you’re not running after the wrong guy.
- Keep it casual. No one is gunning for marriage here. Don’t force yourself or him into a relationship that neither of you wants. Maybe he will be used to women around him wanting to jump into something serious, but buck that trend. Do the unexpected. There are so many ways to be with someone, try them out. You don’t owe him all your time … or your secrets. Throw him a bone by just dipping your toes in.
- Know your boundaries. I know a lot of this player business is easier said than done, so make sure you know what you want. Don’t let anyone tell you to do anything you don’t feel comfortable doing. It sounds great to play the player, in theory. But make sure that the practical realities are actually up your street. Stop whenever you feel you’ve made your point; or, embrace these new parts of your personality. If you do it on your terms, being a ‘player’ in the modern world can be super liberating. It changes how you view relationships entirely. However, it’s not for everyone. There’s a reason we are told: “Don’t hate the player, hate the game.”
- Don’t commit. Take things slow. Have a few people on rotation. Keep up with your friends and family. Communicate your needs to everyone you’re seeing, and use the flexibility as an opportunity to take risks!
So, next time a player screws you over and wastes your time, here’s a template to reclaim your power next time!