Empaths are incredible – they sense your moods, offer genuine support, and seem truly invested in your well-being. But unfortunately, some narcissists are masters of manipulation. They might wear the mask of an empath, all to gain your trust and exploit your kindness. Knowing how to spot this masquerade is important to protect yourself, so keep your eyes peeled for these subtle red flags that can expose their true nature.
1. It’s all about them, really.
As Healthline states, empaths have a unique ability to understand other people’s emotions, so true empaths will focus on your feelings when you’re going through tough times. A narcissist disguised as one might start off attentive, but soon the conversation always circles back to them and their struggles. They might interrupt with their own “similar” experiences, constantly one-upping your story, or simply change the subject if it’s not about them.
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2. They’re empathetic… with a catch.
They might offer sympathy, but it feels conditional. Do they subtly criticize you when you’re down? Get uncomfortable when you need support, or use your vulnerability to gain leverage later? True empathy is without judgment or an expectation of something in return. A narcissist will pretend to be there for you only when they think they can get something out of it.
3. They dish out praise, but not for free.
Narcissists love to make themselves feel superior. They might shower you with compliments, but often these come with subtle put-downs or a sense that you need to constantly earn their approval. Their praise might make you feel momentarily good but ultimately leaves you insecure and focused on pleasing them.
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4. They lack boundaries.
Empaths respect your space. Narcissists often push limits, oversharing personal information too quickly or expecting excessive access to your time and emotions. They might guilt-trip you for needing time alone or become demanding when you don’t immediately respond to their messages. As Psychology Today points out, it’s vital to set clear and firm boundaries with a narcissist — and don’t allow the person to cross them!
5. Nothing is ever their fault.
Everyone makes mistakes, of course, but a narcissist masquerading as an empath will twist any situation to avoid taking responsibility. Gaslighting, playing the victim, and blaming you for their reactions are their go-to moves. They’ll rarely offer a sincere apology or admit to wrongdoing.
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6. They play on your compassion.
Narcissists know how to use your empathy against you. They may share sob stories to gain sympathy, exploit your kindness, or use any weakness you reveal to gain an advantage. Remember, genuine empathy is about offering support without expecting anything in return, while narcissists use it as a manipulative tool.
7. They’re a magnet for drama.
Their life is a whirlwind of chaos. They might have constant conflicts with other people, paint themselves as the innocent party in every situation, or drag you into their problems seeking validation. Beware of anyone who always seems to be at the center of drama, as it might be a sign of emotional instability and a need for constant external attention.
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8. They’re jealous and controlling.
Subtly, they try to isolate you. They might express jealousy of your friends or become critical of your choices, attempting to control your time and social circle. A healthy relationship allows for individual friendships and interests, while a narcissist might see these as threats to their control.
9. Their behavior is extremely hot and cold.
Their attention can be intoxicating… until it isn’t. They might switch from love-bombing to dismissive, keeping you hooked and confused, always craving their approval. This inconsistent behavior creates a rollercoaster of emotions, making you question your self-worth and become addicted to the highs.
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10. They love taking you on guilt trips.
If you set boundaries, they’ll play on your guilt. They might accuse you of being selfish, uncaring, or paint themselves as hurt and abandoned, making you feel responsible for their emotions. Don’t fall for emotional blackmail – healthy relationships respect boundaries, while narcissists manipulate them.
11. There’s a lack of genuine connection there.
Despite the appearance of intimacy, conversations feel shallow. They might know your fears but not your dreams, your struggles but not your true self. True connection goes beyond surface-level interactions and involves a desire to understand the real you on a deeper level.
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12. Their actions and words just don’t line up.
They talk a big game about love and loyalty, but their actions don’t match. They might promise the world but consistently leave you feeling disappointed or unappreciated. Pay attention to what they actually do, not just what they say.
13. Your gut is telling you that something isn’t right.
If something feels “off,” it usually is. Over time, a toxic dynamic starts draining your emotional energy, leaving you doubting yourself. Trust your gut instinct – if a relationship consistently leaves you feeling confused or insecure, it’s a red flag.
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14. They leave you feeling drained.
A true empath uplifts you. With a narcissist in disguise, interactions often leave you feeling exhausted, manipulated, or questioning your reality. Pay attention to how you feel after spending time with someone — it’s a good indicator of their true impact on your well-being.
15. They lack self-awareness.
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Narcissists rarely reflect on their actions or their impact on other people, Psych Central confirms. They may seem oblivious to how their behavior affects you, or they may twist the narrative to avoid taking any personal responsibility. True empaths are introspective and willing to learn from their mistakes.
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16. They exaggerate or lie all the time.
Narcissists crave admiration and attention, and they’re not above bending the truth to get it. They might exaggerate their accomplishments, victimize themselves to garner sympathy, or fabricate stories to appear more impressive. Pay attention to inconsistencies in their stories or a tendency for embellishment.
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