If you spend most of your days feeling like a loser and wondering why you can’t just be as cool and accomplished as, well, everyone around you, it’s time for a wake-up call. You don’t have to feel like this, especially since in all likelihood, it’s simply not true. Here’s what to do to change your mindset and give yourself a bit more credit.
1. Realize that everyone feels this way sometimes.
Obviously, I’m not saying this to invalidate our own feelings or the weight of them, but it should be somewhat of a comfort to know that at some point, everyone ends up feeling like a loser who’s totally worthless and a failure at life. In 99% of those cases, that feeling passes, especially once the person realizes that it’s simply not true — it’s just their brain trying to trick them with negative self-talk. Take comfort in the fact that you’re not alone and that this feeling won’t last forever (because it won’t).
2. Make a list of your accomplishments and celebrate them.
Don’t give me the BS of, “Oh, I don’t have any accomplishments.” Of course you do! You don’t have to run a Fortune 500 company or run the NYC Marathon every year to be accomplished. Maybe you painted and redecorated your apartment to better suit your personality — that’s awesome! Or, maybe your accomplishment is getting the nerve to ask your boss for a raise, or not ordering from Uber Eats this week despite being tired, busy, and craving junk food. All the little victories you have count, so pay attention to them!
3. Talk to the people who care about you.
There’s no better way to stop feeling like a loser than by talking to the people who know you best and love you. They can remind you of all the incredible qualities you have and how much better their lives are because you’re in it. The trick here, of course, is not trying to convince yourself that they’re “just being nice” or that they have to say sweet things about you because they’re your family/friends. These are the people who have been by your side through thick and thin. They know how amazing you are, and they’ll be happy to tell you all about it.
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5. Focus on what you like about yourself.
Everyone has things they don’t totally love about themselves. Maybe you hate your nose or one foot is bigger than the other or you’re really impatient or impulsive. That’s okay! It’s not only fine not to be perfect, it’s normal because perfect doesn’t exist. However, if you’re feeling like a loser and want to change that, you have to flip the script and highlight all the incredible things about yourself. Think about how funny and smart you are, how kind you are to other people, or maybe even how good you look in skinny jeans. Giving yourself a bit of credit for your good qualities will boost your self-worth and help pull you out of the dark place you’re in.
6. Set a goal and then go after it.
Tough love alert! If you’re feeling like a loser but you just sit there and stew in it, it’s going to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. To stop that feeling in its tracks, you’re going to have to be proactive and do something about it. The easiest way to do it? Set a short-term goal, come up with a workable plan to get there, and then make it happen. The feeling of accomplishment you’ll experience when you succeed will literally make you feel like you’re on cloud nine, and you’ll suddenly realize just how capable you are.
7. Find a bit of perspective.
This one really should have been higher up on the list, to be honest. There’s so much pressure on everyone to look, act, speak, and live a certain way, and if you veer outside of that, you end up feeling like you’re doing something seriously wrong. Obviously, that’s not the case, but it can be hard to break out of that mindset and realize that half of the unrealistic expectations society puts on you are total BS anyway. That’s why a bit of perspective comes in handy. You’re not a loser because you don’t have 250k TikTok followers or because you shop at Target rather than at Louis Vuitton, or because you haven’t bought your first house by the time you’re 25. These are arbitrary markers that don’t take anyone’s personal circumstances into account (and don’t mean much in the end anyway). Don’t give them inflated importance that they don’t deserve. You’re doing just fine.
8. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else.
This one goes with #7 — you’re probably feeling like a loser because you’re comparing your own life to the people you see on social media or to, I don’t know, the Kardashians or LeBron James or whatever. Stop the madness! You’ve probably heard it a million times but you have to internalize it: everyone’s journey is unique, and you need to realize that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be. By holding yourself up against people whose lives are entirely different than yours, you’re always going to feel like you’re falling short when really, you’re not even on the same playing field. Don’t do it to yourself.
9. Identify your triggers.
What is it that makes you feel like a loser? If you notice that this gnawing emotion is a bit stronger after scrolling social media, maybe take a break for a while. If it creeps up on you when you go to a job you hate, hit up LinkedIn, brush up your resume, and start looking for something you can feel proud of doing 40 hours a week. Figuring out what sets you off and brings you down is the best way to start overcoming it.
10. Step out of your comfort zone and try something new.
Again, you’re always going to end up feeling kinda blah if you’re stuck in a routine and treading water. As scary as it can be, it’s so worth it to step out of your comfort zone and try something completely different. If it freaks you out? Even better! It’s taking risks that challenges us and helps us grow. Getting out there and giving something new your best shot will make you feel like a warrior, so chop chop.
11. Talk to a professional if you’re really struggling.
At the end of the day, it could very well be that you’re feeling like a loser because you’re suffering from some serious mental health issues. There’s no shame in that whatsoever, but it is an indication that you need to talk to a professional counselor or psychologist. They can help figure out what’s going on as well as giving you some coping mechanisms and tools you can use to change your mindset and feel so much better. You deserve it!
