There are definitely self-absorbed people out there that will always steer conversations back to themselves or who manage to make it all about their drama from the beginning. It may be difficult to get away from these people, but there are ways to survive these conversations and make sure you’re still practicing self-care.
1. Start the conversation first.
Don’t wait for a self-absorbed person to ask how you are because they never will. They won’t even take a breath before they even begin dumping their onslaught of drama and emotions onto you, so you need to get in the conversation first by saying how you are, what you’ve been doing, and what’s going on in your life; otherwise, you’ll never get a word in.
2. Set a time limit.
If you know you’re going to be around a self-absorbed person that you unfortunately can’t escape because they’re a colleague or a family member, set a time limit for the interaction. Tell them from the beginning that you’ll be around for a specified amount of time, then you have to get going or focus on a task. This way, you know there’s light at the end of the tunnel because you have a way out.
3. Disagree with them when required.
You don’t need to take the easy route and agree with everything someone says just so there are no arguments. You can disagree in a way that makes the other person think about a different perspective (not just about themselves) and challenges them, Inc. explains. This may make a self-absorbed person defensive, but if that’s the case, they may realize you’re a person who will stand up for what they believe in and not a go-to for whenever they need to vent.
4. Talk to them in a group setting, not one-on-one.
Talking to a self-absorbed person one-on-one can be incredibly draining. It could be better to approach these people in group situations because at least there’s someone else to share the burden. Plus, they can confirm that yes, that person did indeed speak about their life problems for a good half hour and didn’t even ask what was going on with the rest of the group. It’s also easier to get away by turning to someone else and starting a different conversation with them.
5. Mute notifications.
Unfortunately, conversations don’t only extend to seeing people face to face but follow us everywhere on our phones. The constant pings and dings of a self-absorbed person are enough to make anyone go crazy, so mute those notifications and only reply (if you have to) when you know you have more energy to.
6. Direct the conversation to important topics.
Someone may be constantly talking about themselves, but as soon as you remind them about an important issue, e.g., the friend you may both be worried about because they just lost their job, it should jolt them out of this constant self-talk spiral and back into reality where other people are — if they’re not completely selfish, that is!
7. Interrupt them.
It’s often thought that it’s rude to interrupt someone, but what’s worse is the constant feeling of not being listened to or having a chance to say what it’s on your mind. Interrupt as soon as you feel the conversation is one-sided; otherwise, you’ll be there forever wondering when you can leave.
8. Let it go.
The world can be a selfish place, and you can’t change people when behaviors are so deeply engrained — it is really up to them to put their best foot forward in the world. Sometimes it’s best to let it go and accept that this is how this person chooses to be — self-absorbed — and that no amount of telling them this is the case will change them.
9. Don’t take the bait.
Self-absorbed people are great at getting others to feel sorry for them or instantly chiming into other people’s conversations. Don’t take the bait when these people are looking for sympathy, and don’t give them any topics to talk about. Unless there’s something serious happening in their lives, don’t play into the drama.
10. Call them out.
Sometimes some people should be called out about being self-absorbed, especially if they weren’t always this way and it can be a certain situation contributing to their actions, like a recent breakup or losing their job. A reality check is what some people need to realize that they’re making other people’s lives miserable by only being concerned about themselves.
11. Wear headphones.
There are many times when headphones can shield you from a self-absorbed person. No one will really know that you’re not listening to music or not really in a work meeting. Sometimes you just need the quiet this brings, and the self-absorbed person should hopefully get the hint not to speak to you. It may not be the best method to survive these people, but it certainly does help if you need short-term peace.
12. Make sure to take a break.
If there are self-absorbed people constantly in your life, and they won’t/can’t go away, remember to look after yourself and take multiple breaks. This includes simply going to the bathroom or getting fresh air. Change up the space you are in to get away from the selfishness and potential negativity it may be bringing to you.
13. Maintain a focus on what’s important to you.
Stay focused on what you’re interested in, the goals you want to achieve, and remember to avoid becoming a self-absorbed person yourself. The silver lining is these people show you everything you don’t want to be and how you can be a lot better.
14. Rant about it in your journal.
Writing how annoyed you are can really help relieve your frustrations and is also a good way of seeing patterns. If you notice someone is continuously being self-absorbed, it is easier to keep track in a journal so you can see clearly that you are definitely not the problem.
15. Avoid them.
Sometimes the easiest route is to stay away from a self-absorbed person in the first place. If you can avoid them, do it because it’s not worth relinquishing your inner peace as well as time and energy to listen to things you probably don’t care about, especially when you don’t get the same effort in return.
