While I never really put much stock in the idea of “types” in dating, I definitely had one and I stuck to it for most of my dating life—until I met my now-husband, that is. He’s the polar opposite of everything I thought I wanted and I couldn’t be happier.
He wasn’t someone I’d generally be attracted to physically. I used to go for the tall, lanky guys but my husband is on the shorter side and isn’t exactly skinny. He was also an electrician and was always working with his hands and I’d never dated someone who got their hands dirty for a living. He was new and different, but I gave him a chance anyway.
We also had conflicting political views. I’m much more liberal while he’s pretty conservative. We do clash because of this, especially with Trump as president now. I never thought I’d be able to be with someone whose views are so different from mine but somehow we manage to accept and respect one another’s opinions without it interfering in our relationship.
I used to go for introverts and he was extremely extroverted. I liked the shy, mysterious guys. They’re fun to get to know since it’s not easy to get them to open up. I’m pretty introverted too, so I used to like someone who was the same way. I’d rather stay home and watch a movie than go to a party and I’ve always been that way, even in college. My husband was very outgoing from the start and it was actually a breath of fresh air.
I always thought I’d marry a nerd and he was the opposite of that too. I’m a nerd myself, and I thought the best match for me would be someone in the same camp. I did date someone like that for a long time and we had a great relationship, but it didn’t end up working out in the end. Maybe there was a reason for that. When I met my husband, maybe I knew I needed something different. He was far from nerdy and didn’t even have a college degree (although he was smart in other ways that I wasn’t).
I gave him a shot because of his personality. It’s what initially attracted me to him. He’s extremely outgoing, which is the opposite of the type I’ve dated in the past. I loved that he got me out of my shell a little bit and I always had the best time when I was with him. I figured there was no harm in dating him even if it didn’t work out. I never would’ve guessed we’d end up together for the long haul.
He was also the hardest worker I’ve ever met. His career was important to him when we were dating, and this carried over into our marriage. He works a lot so that I can stay home to raise our kids for a little while. Our family is his number one priority and that’s the quality in him that I love the most because I’m the same way. He takes really good care of us because he’s willing to work hard, and I couldn’t be more grateful to him. I’m so glad I stepped out of my comfort zone and gave him a chance.
Our differences have kept our life interesting. If we were too similar, it’d be boring. Because of our opposing political views, for example, we always have something to talk about. Yes, it results in arguments sometimes, but some conflict is healthy. Our differences prevent us from becoming lazy in our relationship. We’re constantly challenging each other, which makes us both better people.
We complement each other well. We learn a lot from one another by getting each other to see things from a different perspective, and I think it makes us more well-rounded and open-minded people. For example, his outgoing personality forces me to try things I might not normally do, and in return, I reel him in a little bit sometimes. It’s a perfect balance.
It’s not just me—apparently, people don’t always end up marrying their type. This may be because people’s type often changes with time and when they meet someone new, their type can change to match the qualities in the person they’re dating. This is definitely true in my case because my partner preferences have changed to match my husband’s traits. It’s still not fully understood why people really choose a certain partner, so maybe having a “type” doesn’t mean much. The heart wants what the heart wants, even if it’s not what you thought you wanted originally.
Being with someone I thought wasn’t my type turned out to be the best decision. His other positive qualities mattered more than what I thought my type was. If I’d never given him a chance, we wouldn’t be where we are now. If I had chosen a tall, introverted nerd, I probably wouldn’t be as happy.
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