I Just Found Out That The Guy I’m Dating Spray Tans & I’m Weirded Out

I was dating this guy for a few weeks before I found out that his glowing skin isn’t the result of a juice cleanse but spray tanning on a regular basis. I have very mixed feelings about this…

  1. Shouldn’t I be the one concerned about my appearanceI’m all for men taking care of themselves, but for some reason, spray tanning seems a bit much. I’m kinda confused about what possessed him to start doing it in the first place—it’s not even in fashion like it was in the days of The O.C. and Laguna Beach! It just feels like overkill for a guy to be so hyper-focused on something as trivial as his skin color when I couldn’t care less about mine and I’m the woman.
  2. I mean… why? I’m just dumbfounded as to why he thinks he needs it. Maybe he was teased as a kid for being so pale? Maybe he has an affinity with California? We live in the northern states, so I’m not sure who he thinks he’s fooling. Who wants to look like they just got back from a tropical vacation 365 days a year?
  3. It feels a bit too metrosexual for me. I can’t help but see spray tanning as being a little feminine. I mean, I don’t even spray tan and I’m a girl. I’m not trying to shame guys for being feminine, but maybe he’s just too vain to be with someone like me who doesn’t care about that kind of stuff. I just think it’s too finicky. It’s a detail that I don’t usually even think about and I think it’s a little strange how a guy who doesn’t even wash his hair every day has this need to spray tan himself on a consistent basis.
  4. It comes off as vain. To me, spray tanning is like the ultimate activity in vanity. It’s way up there with lip injections. It’s definitely a luxury procedure that no one really needs. Why not get it for free from the sun?
  5. It’s not that different from wearing actual makeup. Man makeup is getting more and more popular as the years go by and in my opinion, spray tanning is makeup. It’s like full-body foundation! It’s no different than using makeup on your face to cover blemishes. I don’t really mind when guys use concealer or a tinted foundation, I just don’t think they need it. Girls don’t care about that kinda thing as much as guys seem to, myself included.
  6. What other strange secrets is he hiding? Is he getting secret pedicures or eyebrow threading on the side, or putting inserts in his shoes to make him taller?! I don’t even want to think about it. I wasn’t only totally shocked when I found out about his tanning habit, I became suspicious about what else he might be hiding.
  7. I’m 99% sure Trump spray tans. Let’s be honest with ourselves, our current president spray tans or uses a tanning bed. Do I really want to date someone who prescribes to the Trump way of life? Half joking, but also… really not.
  8. The fact that it’s fake weirds me out. Spray tanning is a total cop-out to me. When you get a tan from the sun, it’s better because it’s been well-earned. There’s a story behind it. You’re glowing because you went on vacation or spent the last few days having fun in the sun, not because you found a Groupon for spray tanning.
  9. Why doesn’t he think he’s good enough as he is? The whole thing is kinda concerning to me because it makes me wonder why he’s not happy with himself as-is. Obviously he feels pressure to look a certain way and it kinda makes me sad that he doesn’t think he’s enough without the tan.
  10. Jersey Shore is over. Sorry to say, but the era where it was OK for guys to spray tan is long gone. I’d actually say that pale skin is more popular now than fake, air-brushed tans. It’s all about thick-rimmed glasses, cropped jeans, beards and pale skin, right?
  11. It’s kinda douchey. There’s a reason why we associated fake tans with dudes who are total a-holes. The kind of guys who are full of themselves, vain, and douchey are the kind of guys who get spray tans. Maybe that’s an unfair generalization but I can’t help myself.
  12. It smells weird. Now I know what that smell is. It’s like a chemical, coconut-y smell and it’s kinda bleh.
  13. Still, I have to admit that it doesn’t look half bad. Let me just say before ending this rant that the tan isn’t super obnoxious. It’s lightyears away from the Trump’s Cheetos glow or Ryan Seacrest’s golden hue. Obviously he’s spending big money on a quality tanning service, so at least it’s not totally streaky and awful looking, otherwise, I don’t think I’d even be going out with him in the first place…
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.