We all have moments of insecurity – it’s totally human. However, sometimes those insecurities lead to not-so-great behaviors as a way to try to feel better. Here are some of the biggest missteps people make when trying to boost their self-confidence when it’s at an all-time low.
1. They put people down.
When someone feels insecure, they might criticize or try to bring people down a peg to feel taller themselves. Those subtle digs or backhanded compliments are meant to take focus off their own insecurities. They want you to doubt yourself a little so they can question their own flaws a little less. Don’t take the bait – their negativity has nothing to do with you and everything to do with how they feel about themselves.
2. They brag… a lot.
Constantly talking about accomplishments (real or imagined) is a strategy to mask insecurity. They might try to impress people to get validation they don’t feel within themselves. Whether it’s an exaggerated work story or a need to one-up your tales, take it with a grain of salt. Chances are, they’re seeking your admiration because they don’t truly admire themselves.
3. They’re overly competitive about everything.
To an insecure person, every interaction can feel like a competition. Whether it’s a board game or sharing a funny story, they need to “win” to feel good about themselves. If someone gets a little too intense when playing Monopoly or needs to top every joke you make, try not to get worked up. It’s really not about the game, it’s about them trying to prove something to themselves.
4. They fish for compliments.
They drop hints, hoping you’ll bite with praise. “I messed up my hair today” is code for, “Please tell me how great I look!” This need for reassurance stems from low self-esteem. It can be flattering, but also a tad draining if it’s constant. It’s okay to offer genuine compliments, but don’t feel pressured to boost their ego every single time.
5. They always need to be right.
Admitting they’re wrong feels like failure to an insecure person. They’ll argue stubbornly, even about silly things, because their fragile ego can’t handle being less-than-perfect. It’s like admitting a flaw cracks their carefully constructed image. Don’t waste your energy trying to win every debate – some battles aren’t worth fighting.
6. They always compare themselves to other people.
Social media can be a breeding ground for insecurity. Someone already insecure will scroll through feeds feeling worse about themselves, their life, everything! It’s a trap – people tend to present a highlight reel online, not the messy reality. Remember, comparison is the thief of joy, and the grass isn’t always greener on the other side of the screen.
7. They pretend to be someone they’re not.
When insecurities run deep, some people might create a false image they think is more impressive or likable. But pretending to be someone you’re not is exhausting and unsustainable. Ironically, it often makes them even less self-assured because they’re worried about the act slipping. Authenticity is way more attractive and less stressful in the long run!
8. They take things way too personally.
Insecure people are quick to take offense, even at harmless comments. They perceive everything as a criticism because they already feel inadequate deep down. It’s important to remember that their reaction has more to do with their internal baggage than anything you intentionally did. Unless you were truly trying to be hurtful, try not to take it to heart.
9. They basically beg for external validation.
Their self-worth depends on other people’s approval. They crave compliments, reassurance, and praise because they can’t generate a sense of value from within themselves. While supporting your loved ones is good, it becomes draining when it’s never-ending. It’s okay to set boundaries and encourage them to find self-love instead of always depending on you to provide it.
10. They’re too afraid to try new things.
The fear of failure can be paralyzing for an insecure person. They’d rather stay in their comfort zone than risk looking foolish or making a mistake. This limits their growth and can hold them back. Remind them that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s the trying that matters more than immediate perfection.
10. They sabotage the good stuff in their lives.
Sometimes insecure people self-destruct. They might pick fights in a happy relationship or ruin a great opportunity because deep down they don’t believe they deserve good things. It’s a heartbreaking pattern driven by the mistaken belief that they’re somehow protecting themselves from inevitable pain. If you see this happening with someone close, try to challenge their self-sabotaging thoughts and gently encourage them to receive the good things they deserve.
11. They isolate themselves and avoid social situations.
Anxiety around other people is common for insecure folks. They fear judgment, ridicule, or not fitting in. This can lead to them withdrawing and missing out on social connections. While a certain amount of nerves is normal, encourage them to face their fears in small doses. Maybe it’s just attending a short gathering or making quick small talk with a stranger – even tiny victories build confidence.
12. They need constant reassurance.
An insecure partner might constantly demand reassurance that you love and want them. This stems from deep-rooted fears of rejection and not feeling “good enough”. While it’s important to be loving and supportive, remember, you can’t fix their insecurities for them. Gently set boundaries and guide them towards working on their own self-esteem, perhaps even suggesting resources or therapy if appropriate.
13. They play the victim.
Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, insecure people may play the victim. It’s easier to blame someone else for their problems than to face their own shortcomings. Don’t get sucked into the blame game – it’s not about assigning fault, it’s about encouraging accountability. Remind them that everyone has the power to shape their own choices and responses, even when things don’t go according to plan.
14. They get super jealous and possessive.
In romantic relationships, insecurities can manifest as unhealthy levels of jealousy or controlling behavior. This comes from a deep-seated fear of abandonment or not being enough. While empathy is important, don’t let their insecurities dictate your life. Set clear boundaries about what’s acceptable in the relationship, and don’t be afraid to walk away if those boundaries are constantly violated.
15. They lash out in anger.
Feeling inadequate can sometimes trigger anger outbursts. It’s a warped defense mechanism – lashing out feels more powerful than admitting to vulnerability. Try not to take it personally (easier said than done!), their anger is often rooted in deeper emotional wounds. Don’t feel obligated to tolerate being mistreated, but understand that addressing the anger itself rarely helps – they need to uncover and heal the pain beneath it.
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