I’ve been in more than a dozen weddings because I’m incredibly lucky to have some amazing female friends but not-so-lucky when it comes to landing a guy of my own. In order for a single girl like me to get through an evening of romance and mushy love, I find a suitable guy to hook up with. Before you judge my scandalous nuptial behavior, hear me out.
I deserve a hot hookup. Being a member of the bridal party is exhausting and expensive. From the bachelorette and bridal shower to the cost of a bridesmaid dress and a wedding gift, a year of my life and a big chunk of my bank account goes into a marriage that isn’t even my own. So, you know what? I deserve to make poor choices at the wedding and apparently, I’m not alone. Huffington Post quotes a study that found that 48% of women and 73% of men surveyed said they’d hooked up with someone at a wedding.
I’m all dressed up and feeling like a million bucks. I’m not going to waste an opportunity to wink at a hot guy with my lengthy false lashes. How often do I get to wear a floor-length gown and get my hair and makeup done? Not only am I feeling confident AF but the guys are feeling good about themselves in those perfectly tailored suits. The conversation flows easier and our terrible dance moves feel fly as hell. Between the confidence and the champagne, it’s way easier to make the first move.
Weddings are romantic as hell. OK, so admittedly I’m not hooking up with guys in the hope that they will end up being “The One.” That being said, weddings are overwhelmingly romantic. You can’t fight the urge to kiss someone. If I do end up finding Mr. Right at the singles table, that’s even better, but I’m definitely not expecting it.
They kind of remind me of middle school dances but in a good way. Remember the flutters you would feel going to a middle school dance knowing your crush would be there? When a slow song came on, your palms would sweat as you waited for him to ask you to dance. There aren’t many opportunities in adult life to feel that same nostalgia. We can wait all night for someone to buy us a drink at the bar, but somehow, it’s just not the same. Weddings stir up this schoolgirl feeling and I’m hooked.
Two words: Open bar. Bottomless champagne can often lead to poor choices, but when you’re the only bridesmaid to show up without a date to a wedding, who cares? The key is to keep it classy. No one likes a wasted bridesmaid at a wedding and chances are, you’ll be the laughing stock of the wedding video.
It’s usually a single groomsman I end up with, but there’s always a hot cousin if not. A groomsman is an easy choice because of the convenience. We flirt during rehearsals, throw a wink across the aisle during the ceremony, then get hot and heavy on the dance floor. The best invention in wedding planning history (and sometimes worst if everyone is unattractive) is the singles table. You don’t even have to put in an effort to find your hookup—they’re literally sitting right next to you.
It makes me feel better about my current single situation. I don’t mind being single on a normal basis, but it always feels like EVERYONE is coupled up at a wedding except for me. Instead of feeling uncomfortable, I make the most of it. While many couples in the room are in comfortable (possibly boring) relationships, I get to have a wild, unforgettable night. In your face, happy couples.
It always makes for an epic story. There’s nothing better than having a hangover breakfast with your besties and sharing your hookup stories. Weddings are the perfect vehicle. My personal favorite wedding hookup story is the one where I was walked in on by the best man’s parents– while hooking up with the best man. He missed his speech because he was, well, a little tied up.
I fantasize about crashing a wedding just for the hookup. This is how I know that my addiction is real. Who has goals of crashing weddings just to hook up with a good-looking groomsman? I do and I’m not ashamed. You’ve gotta get through wedding season somehow.
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