Relationships are tough, to say the least. There are so many little things to worry about, so many little idiosyncrasies between two people that make navigating the waters more than a little stressful. It seems like everything’s going great and then something happens, and all of a sudden, the guy needs space. What you do know is that it sucks; what you don’t know is why it happens to begin with.
- We really miss our single days. We miss that feeling of being able to do whatever we want, whenever we want. We miss the fact that we didn’t have obligations to another person, like meeting and impressing friends and parents or even showering every day. When you’re in a relationship, you have to think about the other person constantly, and sometimes it can get to a point where we long for the dog days of bachelorhood.
- Commitment kinda sucks. Sure, we like you and we’re having a great time, but there comes a point where the prospect of the future starts to loom pretty large. This may sound a-hole-ish, but guys like to keep their options open. We like to know that even if it all falls apart, we’ll have a backup plan. The idea of commitment and slowly deconstructing that backup plan because things are going well is scary. It’s been pounded into our heads from an early age to be prepared, and letting go of that sense of preparedness for the sake of commitment tends to throw us off a little. If you’re worth it, though, and if we’re not too stupid to realize that, we’ll ease it into it. Just give us a little time.
- We DO have feelings… we just don’t want them hurt. Sometimes we let our insecurities get the best of us and we get to a point where we say to ourselves, “Wait a second, what if I’m not good enough for her? What if she realizes that I’m an awful disgusting human being and she breaks up with me?” At that second, we come to the conclusion that we better put the brakes on things before now, before they go south on their own. That said…
- We like being in control. We’re scared of change. We’re scared that we’re getting ourselves into something that we can’t control, and a lack of control can scare the hell out of any guy. It’s a battle between wanting to control things and knowing that no matter what, another human is not something we can control. It’s important to realize that we’re only pulling back because we like you and we don’t want to screw it up by going too fast or doing something we regret, though that doesn’t make it any easier for you.
- We’re just not into it. This may hurt to hear, but sometimes we’re pulling back because we’re not into it anymore or we just weren’t into it in the first place. If that’s case, you’ll know. Some of us are wusses and afraid to be honest up front. It could be a lack of attraction or it could be that we only got into the relationship to stave off loneliness. Either way, sometimes we’re too scared to end it, so we pull back.
Getting over the hump of the pullback takes time and it takes a little breathing room, but if we’re smart about it and realize how good we’ve got it with you, we’ll do our best to commit. First, though, we just need a little space. Most of the time, it’s not you, it’s us.