If He Doesn’t Love You, Why Does He Keep Coming Back?

Not loving someone seems like a pretty good reason to disappear from their life. But sometimes, guys will keep coming back to you after making it clear that they don’t have those feelings for you. Check out the list below of reasons why a guy might have a revolving door in and out of your life despite clearly lacking any deep emotions for you. And remember: whether he’s using you or getting a kick out of the power trip, you don’t deserve someone who can’t love you the way you want to be loved.

  1. He’s bored or lonely. Loneliness leads humans to do the strangest things. If you know he doesn’t love you and he’s still coming back, it could be because he’s just trying to fill a void. As tough as it is to hear, some people would prefer to have a fling with someone they don’t love than to be alone. The same goes for boredom. It wouldn’t be the first time someone starts things up with a love interest again just because they have nothing else to do.
  2. He needs validation. It’s possible that he keeps coming back because he craves validation. After all, having a fling or a full-blown relationship can be a huge ego boost. It essentially means at least one person out there likes you enough to date you. It could be that he likes the way you make him feel without actually loving you for who you are. Being with you might make him feel more attractive or more worthy.
  3. He likes you. He might not love you, but if he keeps running back, then he probably likes you. Really, he wouldn’t keep coming back if he didn’t like you at all. Whether or not that feeling grows into love is different for everyone. Look at the past you’ve had with him, and his reasons for not loving you. Sometimes he likes you a lot and that can bloom into something more. But if you’ve known him for a long time and he keeps coming back without ever changing, it’s likely that love is off the cards.
  4. His other options run out. This is harsh. But it’s possible that he’s coming back to you because his other options have run out. He might have a few other people on the go and only comes to you when he’s got no other choices. This is often the case when he’s super inconsistent and pursues you some of the time but doesn’t want a bar of you otherwise.
  5. He likes the power trip. Dating and relationships can, sadly, be about power. If he doesn’t treat you well, but you keep taking him back, it’s possible that’s giving him a sick power trip. It reinforces that he has you wrapped around his finger and can have you whenever he wants you. Think of Iris and Jasper from the classic Christmas movie The Holiday. He knows that she’ll always be there waiting for him, and he loves it.
  6. He wishes he loved you. A guy (or girl) running back to you over and over again won’t always have sinister intentions. Sometimes, he might really wish he did love you. It might be that he feels guilty for how he treated you before. Him running back might be his way of trying to make up for not being able to love you, or not having treated you right in the past. Unfortunately, this kindness won’t be doing you any favors. We all know how hard it is to get over someone when they stay in your life.
  7. He’s using you. Sorry to say it. But there’s a chance that the guy who keeps coming back, despite not loving you, is just using you. There could be something he’s getting from you, whether it’s sex or something else, that’s worth him continuing to come back. As mentioned, he could also be using you for validation or to boost his self-esteem.
  8. He likes the idea of you and him. Sometimes, a guy might not love you, but he’ll love the idea of you. You might be everything he’s looking for on paper, but he just doesn’t feel that chemistry with you. He might be mad at himself for not feeling what he wishes he felt for you. And he might be trying to force it by trying again to make it work. But if he keeps ending things and it doesn’t last, it’s a sign that his efforts aren’t working.
  9. He doesn’t want you to be with anyone else. It’s possible that a guy will keep running back to you because he just doesn’t want you to be with anyone else. He doesn’t love you enough to actually be with you, but he also doesn’t want anyone else to have you. That might be for any of the above reasons. Maybe you’re the one he goes to when all his other options run out. Maybe he can always count on you to put up with his crap. Whatever the reason, his continuously appearing in your life ensures he can keep you right where he wants you.


Vanessa Locampo is an Aussie writer who’s equally obsessed with YA fiction and pasta. Her time is divided between writing all the things, reading all the things, listening to Queen, and bopping her cat on the nose. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing and has written for sites including Hotsprings.co and Discovering Montana, and currently works as an editor at Glam. You can keep up with her on Instagram @vanessaellewrites.