I’ve experienced crappy relationships that were only crappy because I settled. I valued my feelings over my instincts and stayed with guys I thought I loved even though they clearly didn’t feel the same. I won’t do that again. Even if I’m head over heels in love, I won’t stay with a guy who doesn’t do these things—and neither should you.
I don’t need to be surprised every day, but I’d like to have a relationship that isn’t super predictable. I want a guy who will cook dinner for me one night, plan a weekend trip for us, take me on a date that forces us to dress up for a change. The surprises don’t have to be big—in fact, it’s the small things that count the most.
Express his feelings
If we’re in a relationship, I obviously know he likes me (at least I hope so), but that doesn’t mean he should stop telling me. I want him to be open about his feelings on a daily basis. I want him to tell me how much he’s into me and a phone call by saying, “I love you.” He shouldn’t stop expressing his feelings just because we’ve been together for a while.
Make me feel appreciated
Being vocal about how he feels is great, but actions speak louder than words. I want to feel appreciated based off what he says and does. He should hold my hand when we’re walking across the street and talk about my accomplishments with his friends and family so it’s clear how proud you are to be with me. That kind of stuff means everything.
Make real time for me
I don’t want a relationship where spending time together has to be forced and argued about constantly. If setting aside time for me doesn’t come naturally, regardless of how busy he is, there’s no need for me to be with him. I won’t beg for scraps.
Communicate like an adult
He should respond to my texts and answer my calls. Obviously, life can get in the way of constant communication and I don’t need us to be up each other’s butts 24/7, but I don’t want to feel like I’m being ignored and I definitely don’t want to wonder whether or not I’m going to hear from him throughout the day. Communicating with me should be a given and again, something that should come naturally.
Introduce me to his family and friends
I want him to bring me to the next family dinner he has and invite me out with his group of guy friends one night. I want him to immerse me in his life so I know that I matter enough to him and that he’s not hesitant about his family and friends knowing he’s in a serious relationship with someone.
Be there when I need him
I don’t want someone who’ll disappear when things get rough. I want to know he’ll be there for me when I’m at my worst and that he’ll help me through whatever situation I’m going through at the time. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.
Talk about the future
Talk about his future, my future, and our future as a couple should be a given. I know there’s no guarantee that we’ll get married and be together forever, but I’d like to know that the idea has at least crossed his mind. If he isn’t talking about any kind of future with me, I’m going to assume he doesn’t see me or want me in his life long-term.
Spend time with my friends
My friends are my people. I know not everyone’s going to like everyone, but I don’t want him to absolutely hate the people who mean the most to me, and I definitely don’t want him to show it by being blatantly rude and disrespectful to them. If he’s not cool with my friends, I’m not cool with him.
Show me who he is deep down
I want to see his goofy and playful side just as much as I want to see his serious and emotional side. I don’t want him to show me what he thinks I want to see. I want to see all of him, every day.
Remember things about me
My birthday, my best friend’s name, my favorite TV show and favorite food—this should be common knowledge for the guy I’m dating. The more time he spends with me, the more he’ll get to know me. If we’ve been together for a while and he doesn’t know small things about me, it’s because he wasn’t paying enough attention.
Go out of his way for me
I want him to stop by my house before he has to go to work even though it’s completely of his way and drive me to the airport instead of calling me an Uber. I want him to offer to bring me coffee at work even if he’s nowhere near a Coffee Bean. I don’t want him to always go out of his way to see me or make me feel good, but I’d like him to sometimes make a little extra effort.
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