If He Wanted To, He Would: Why You Shouldn’t Chase A Guy Who’s Clearly Not Feeling It

When you really like a guy and see potential with him, it sucks when he doesn’t seem to feel the same. However, the worse thing you can do is convince yourself that there’s some totally innocent explanation for his lack of effort. Maybe he’s just busy? What if he really likes you a lot, so much so that he’s scared of his emotions? Stop. He’s not interested in getting to know you more — if he wanted to, he would. Silly him!

If he wanted to text you, see you, or make you his girlfriend, he would.

  1. If he’s not interested in the beginning, he won’t be later. Let’s think about this logically. You could chase him down and if he’s bored enough, he might even agree to hang out. However, what happens next? You just keep this up endlessly, chasing him for crumbs? Girl, no.
  2. You’re pulling your weight — why isn’t he? It’s not all down to him to make moves. This is the 2020s and women are fully capable of showing romantic interest. That being said, if you’re getting nothing in return, it’s clear this is a one-sided non-relationship. Do you really have precious time and energy to waste?
  3. You deserve someone who is enthusiastic about getting to know you. If he’s not reaching out, he may not be as interested as you are. In fact, he’s clearly not. If he wanted to find out more about you and see if there’s any chemistry there, he would do something about it. The fact that he’s not is pretty telling.
  4. You shouldn’t put your life on hold waiting for someone to come around. Focus on your own goals and interests and enjoy your life in the meantime. While it’s important to be patient as some people are slow burners, if there’s clearly no interest or investment from his side, move on and don’t waste your time.
  5. It’s important to value yourself and not settle for less than what you deserve. Don’t chase after someone who is not putting in effort to get to know you. Admittedly, it sucks to think that you’re missing out on a potentially amazing connection. However, if it was really meant to be, you wouldn’t have to fight so hard so early on.
  6. You’re obviously not as great of a match as you initially thought. After all, you really have nothing to go on here. He isn’t making the effort to take you out, share more of himself with you, or learn who you are. How can you say you’d be a great match when your knowledge of each other is basically nonexistent?
  7. He clearly doesn’t appreciate what he has in front of him. Everyone experiences rejection at some point, and it’s important to keep things in perspective and not take it personally. If he wanted to be with an amazing woman, he would have pursued you. He obviously is blind to what’s right in front of him.
  8. If he’s not reaching out, it’s his loss. You are a valuable and deserving person, and someone else will recognize that and appreciate you for who you are. In the meantime, don’t lower yourself to chasing him.

You’re better than begging.

  1. Your time and energy are valuable. Chasing after someone who’s not interested can be emotionally and mentally draining. You could be using that time and energy to focus on other areas of your life. You have a great group of friends, an amazing family, career goals, passions, hobbies… you get the picture.
  2. It can damage your self-esteem. If you continually pursue someone who is not interested, it can make you feel like crap. You may start to question whether or not you’re attractive or if there’s something wrong with you. As a result, this can lead to feelings of low self-worth and inadequacy. Screw that!
  3. It won’t change his mind. If a guy is not interested in you, no amount of chasing or pursuing is going to change his mind. In fact, it may even make him feel uncomfortable or put off.
  4. It can come across as desperate. Constantly trying to get someone’s attention is not attractive. Not only is it off-putting to the guy in question, but it also makes you look pathetic. You’re not pathetic! It’s important to maintain your dignity and self-respect. If he wanted to be with you, he would be. Accept that and move on.
  5. You deserve someone who is interested in you. You deserve to be with someone who’s actually interested in you and who reciprocates your feelings. By chasing after a guy who clearly isn’t/doesn’t, you’re not giving yourself the opportunity to find someone who truly values and appreciates you. Do you really want to miss out on something better?
  6. It’s important to respect boundaries. If a guy has made it clear that he’s not interested, it’s important to respect his boundaries. Continuing to pursue him could be seen as intrusive or disrespectful. Obviously, it would be nice if he would just come out and say it. However, you’re not clueless. You can read between the lines, so do it.
  7. You can focus on finding someone who is a better match. By letting go of a guy who’s giving you nothing, you can focus your attention on finding someone who is a better match for you. You want to date someone who’s nuts about you. Someone who thinks the sun shines out of your butt and that you’re awesome, because you are. You can’t find that if you’re holding onto this chump.
Jennifer Still is a writer and editor with more than 10 years of experience. The managing editor of Bolde, she has bylines in Vanity Fair, Business Insider, The New York Times, Glamour, Bon Appetit, and many more. You can follow her on Twitter @jenniferlstill