If I’m Your Second Choice, I Choose To Leave

The fact that there is such a thing as a participation trophy floors me. I’m fine with not winning as long as I had fun and tried my best. Second place just isn’t so bad — with one exception. I refuse to come in second in love because I deserve the grand prize. In other words, if I’m your second choice, I choose to leave — here’s why.

  1. I’m better than second place. Who wants to come in second in love? Not me, that’s for sure. Being the runner-up is honorable in some things, but not when it comes to relationships. First prize is true love, but there’s no prize in getting to be your girl only when the first one didn’t work out.
  2. I refuse to settle. Settle for being someone’s second choice when I’m willing to put him first? No thanks. I want to know what it feels like to be your number one priority. I deserve that. I don’t want to be filled with the self-doubt of knowing that you’re only with me because you couldn’t be with the girl you really want. I won’t settle for a guy who doesn’t actually love me or who loves me “just enough.” I’d rather be alone than feel like your last resort.
  3. I want a guy who doesn’t even consider other options. Why? Because I should be enough and you shouldn’t be left wanting more. I don’t think it’s too much to ask to want someone who wants only me, and if you do, we’re obviously not right for each other. If there’s anyone else you’re considering, you can take my name off the list.
  4. If I’m “The One” then you should just know. It might hurt to hear that you don’t feel the same intense attraction to me on every level the way I do with you, but I’d rather know now than to waste my time and be heartbroken later. Don’t keep me on the hook when you’re not fully committed to me — that’s not fair. If you love or even just care about me at all, then you wouldn’t even think of being selfish enough to keep me around just in case. I don’t want to be your fallback love; I want to be your everything.
  5. I’m not going to just wait around for you to leave me if your first choice comes back around. If I’m your second choice, then what happened to your first choice and what happens if she comes crawling back to you? I’m not going to waste my time on a guy who wishes he could be with someone else. You don’t get to walk all over me like that. If anyone gets to walk away here, it’s me.
  6. I don’t want a guy who’s going to constantly question his love for me. You either love me or you don’t — no ifs, ands, or buts. Do you love me? If that question is hard to answer or you feel like the answer is complicated, that’s all I need to know about where I stand. I want a guy who’s not afraid to love me with his whole heart every damn day. Are you up for that?
  7. How would you feel to be my backup plan? How would you feel to be my second-class man? Imagine if I went to bed every night and woke up every morning thinking about a man who isn’t you. You’d be jealous, to say the least, but then you’d wonder — why is she with me? I’d never want to put you through those awful feelings and I hope you feel the same about me.
  8. I want to feel confident in my relationship. How could I ever feel confident about a man who’s just waiting for someone better to come along? I want to be able to go to sleep at night knowing I’m loved and that our relationship is super solid. I don’t want to spend every day worrying that it might be the last day we spend together. I don’t want to be afraid you’ll leave me; I want to be confident you’ll stay.
  9. I’m strong enough to walk away. I’m not afraid of being single. I’m not scared of being alone. I’m a strong, independent woman and I refuse to stay with a guy who’s not all-in. If second best is all you have to offer, it’s just not enough. I want your whole heart, not just a piece of it, so if all you can give me is a chance to be your second choice, then I hope you’re prepared to watch me walk away.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.