You might genuinely try to be a good person and want the best for everyone around you, but not everyone is quite so noble. In fact, if a friend, partner, or colleague is pulling any of these stunts, they might be more interested in sabotaging you than supporting you. Watch out!
1. They always have a “better” idea right after you share yours.
It’s tricky to spot, but if someone consistently proposes “better” ideas immediately following your own, it might be subtle sabotage. They’re not being openly dismissive; instead, they subtly undermine your confidence by suggesting tweaks or changes. At first this seems helpful, but you soon start to doubt your own thoughts to the point that you might even stop sharing them.
2. They give a lot of backhanded compliments.
They might say something that sounds flattering at first but leaves a sting. This kind of compliment is a sneaky way to undermine your confidence while still seeming super friendly and supportive. It’s a clever tactic because it’s wrapped in the guise of kindness, which makes it harder to call out without seeming defensive or confrontational.
3. They bring up your past mistakes at every available opportunity.
Someone who repeatedly brings up the things that have gone wrong for you in the past might not have your best interests at heart. It’s one thing to learn from mistakes, but constantly being reminded of your old errors can be a form of sabotage. This behavior can make you feel stuck and unable to move forward and grow. It’s a subtle way of keeping you anchored to your past while completely disregarding how far you’ve come since then.
4. They purposely exclude you from plans or conversations.
Feeling left out? If someone often excludes you from plans or conversations, it could be intentional. This form of social sabotage is about making you feel like you’re not part of the group. It’s a tactic that can make you doubt your relationships with people and your place in your social circle. This can be super subtle, too, like someone “forgetting” to invite you to an event or changing the topic of conversation when you start talking.
5. They rarely have anything positive to say.
If there’s someone in your life who constantly finds fault or focuses on the downsides, they might be bringing you down intentionally. This relentless negativity can be a form of emotional sabotage, meant to tank your mood and outlook on life. It’s different from constructive criticism or occasional venting; this is about someone who’s perpetually stuck in a negative mindset and seems intent on dragging you down with them.
6. They consistently “forget” important details about you and your life.
This so-called “forgetfulness” can range from missing important dates to overlooking your tastes or preferences. It’s a subtle form of disrespect that implies your interests and milestones aren’t worth remembering. This slowly but surely erodes the mutual respect and understanding in a relationship as you realize just how unimportant you really are to them.
7. They make your achievements no big deal.
Dealing with someone who habitually minimizes your successes can be demoralizing. This behavior often takes the form of chalking up your achievements to luck or someone else’s contribution rather than acknowledging your hard work and talent. It’s a way keep you from feeling fully accomplished and can lessen your confidence about going after your goals in the future.
8. They always need your help but they’re never there to help you.
There’s often that one person who’s always in need of your help but is conspicuously absent when you’re the one in need. This one-sided dynamic can drain your energy and resources. They’re exploiting your generosity, leaving you depleted without support when you could use it most.
9. Your ideas are always ignored in group settings.
If you find that your ideas are consistently overlooked or dismissed when you’re in a group, it could be a sign of subtle sabotage. If it happens often enough, you end up feeling invisible and undervalued, especially if your suggestions are later raised by other people and people love them. This behavior diminishes your presence and contributions to a team, and it’s just unfair.
10. They happily share your secrets and never feel bad about it.
Someone has a habit of revealing the private and personal things you tell them can be damaging to your trust. This breach of confidence is a form of betrayal, subtly undermining the trust and safety you feel in your relationship. It can leave you feeling vulnerable and hesitant to share in the future.
11. They cancel plans last minute all the time.
Consistent last-minute cancellations can be a frustrating experience. This pattern of behavior shows a lack of respect for your time and makes you feel unworthy of being a priority in their life. It’s also a tactic that keeps you on edge because you never really know where you stand or what’s going to happen.
12. They make themselves the victim of every situation.
Someone who perpetually plays the victim in every possible situation can be subtly manipulating those around them. That’s because doing this shifts attention and responsibility away from them and instead makes you feel guilty or responsible for their problems. They get to escape accountability and you remain emotionally tied to them.
13. They’re super competitive in situations where there are no winners or losers.
This need to always be the best, even in non-competitive situations, creates unnecessary tension and rivalry between people who are supposed to be on the same side. However, for some people, it’s a way of asserting dominance. It just makes your interactions with them super stressful and unnecessarily miserable.
14. They constantly give unsolicited advice.
Unsolicited advice, especially when given repeatedly by the same person, can be overwhelming and patronizing. It implies that the person giving the advice knows better, which can undermine your confidence in your own decisions. It might make you second-guess yourself and feel less capable of handling your own life, and that sucks.
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