There’s always one person in every social circle that turns every conversation back to themselves, has to be the loudest in the room, and can’t stand it if someone else has good news. While it might be entertaining for a while, there’s often a deeper reason behind this need for constant validation. Here’s how to recognize those attention-grabbing habits in yourself or other people. If you want to preserve your relationships and your reputation, this is worth paying attention to!
1. You talk a lot, and it’s mostly about yourself.
Conversations feel more like a monologue with you. You’re not really interested in hearing about anyone else’s life. Their struggles are met with your one-upping story, and their achievements are minimized so that you can brag about yours (even if they’re nowhere near as notable). Deep listening isn’t your strong point because, well, the spotlight needs to be on you.
2. You hate it when someone else gets compliments or positive attention.
A friend’s promotion or another person’s cute outfit aren’t of interest to you. In fact, instead of being happy for them, you feel a twinge of jealousy. Your brain immediately searches for a way to either downplay their good news or shift attention back onto yourself. Being genuinely happy for other people without feeling threatened is a challenge for you, and that’s something you need to work on.
3. You have a knack for playing the victim.
Every minor inconvenience is a major life drama in your world. You might exaggerate how stressful your day was, make mountains out of molehills, or constantly fish for sympathy. While things genuinely might be tough for you sometimes, using your suffering to garner attention can become manipulative over time, WebMD warns.
4. You turn every conversation back to your experience, even when it’s inappropriate.
Your friend is venting about a breakup? Cue your story about that one awful ex. Someone’s talking about a sick relative? Better jump in with a detailed description of your health woes. You lack the ability to hold space for others and make it about yourself at even the least suitable moments.
5. You’ll bend the truth or outright lie for a gasp of admiration.
Your stories get a little more impressive with each retelling. Embellishment isn’t your middle name, it’s your first. Whether it’s to seem more successful, more popular, or more well-traveled, you’ll distort the facts if it gets people to go, “Wow, really?!”
6. You’re addicted to the drama, even self-created drama.
Peace and contentment feel boring. If things are going smoothly, you subconsciously stir the pot. Arguments, messy relationship triangles, picking fights out of the blue – it all gives you a temporary high of being at the center of some kind of chaos.
7. You need near-constant external validation to feel good about yourself.
Likes on your social post, random compliments from strangers, gushing praise for minor accomplishments…you drink it up. Deep down, your self-worth is shaky. You depend on others to tell you that you’re awesome because you don’t truly believe it yourself. Without that attention fix, you start to feel empty and insecure.
8. You’re easily offended and take things very personally.
Constructive criticism feels like a personal attack. If a friend can’t make it to your party, you assume they hate you. When someone disagrees with you, even mildly, you get defensive. Your fragile ego makes it almost impossible to receive feedback or have a playful debate without feeling like your whole character is being judged.
9. Name-dropping is your favorite hobby.
Conversations with you are riddled with mentions of the kind-of-famous person you met once, your friend with a high-powered job, or the fancy neighborhood where your cousin lives. It’s a way to try and boost your own status by association, even if those connections are tenuous at best.
10. You’re overly competitive, even in casual situations.
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Game night? You have to win at ALL costs. Someone else brought a nicer dessert to the potluck? Must outdo them next time. Everything becomes a battleground to prove you’re the best. Fun, relaxed competition is one thing, but being unable to let anyone else shine is a sign of insecurity.
11. You’re always trying a little too hard to be liked.
Agreeing with everyone even when you don’t, buying people gifts to try and gain their approval, and changing your personality to fit in with whoever you’re around – it’s exhausting! This stems from a fear of not being liked for who you truly are, so you keep morphing instead of being authentic.
12. You post about everything on social media seeking the rush of external validation.
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Your meal, your workout, random selfies, even a picture of your feet at the beach — every minute of your day just has to be documented. Every like or comment provides a little dopamine high. While there’s nothing wrong with sharing snippets of your life, if you feel anxious when you HAVEN’T posted for a while, that’s a red flag.
13. You have strong opinions about everything and love to debate.
Nuance? Please, that’s for the weak. You thrive on intense arguments, often about topics you don’t actually care deeply about. The goal isn’t to exchange ideas, it’s to win, to be the smartest, loudest person in the room. It’s less about passion and more about ego.
14. Your appearance is carefully curated to get noticed.
You’re always dressed to the nines, you know the perfect selfie angle, and you wear outfits that shock rather than express your true style. It’s all about turning heads. While self-expression is fantastic, your choices stem from a desire for external approval, not from feeling confident in simply being yourself.
15. You rarely initiate contact with friends, but expect them to reach out constantly.
Friendship feels transactional for you. When you want a self-esteem boost or an audience for your latest life event, those friends are golden. But making small talk, listening to THEIR problems, or checking in just because you care – that rarely crosses your mind. It’s a one-sided friendship, and eventually, everyone catches on.
16. You fish for compliments and act overly humble when you get them.
“Ugh, I HATE this outfit,” you moan, while secretly hoping someone tells you how great you look. Putting yourself down is a thinly veiled attempt to get the opposite reaction. You’re clearly fishing for compliments! When the praise you craved comes in, you’ll brush it off with false modesty while feeling thrilled inside.
17. You have an excuse for everything and struggle to genuinely apologize.
You’re never actually wrong, just misunderstood. If you did hurt someone, it was their fault for being “too sensitive.” Taking responsibility is tough because it threatens your fragile ego, Psychology Today pinpoints. Deflecting blame becomes second nature, even when an honest apology would smooth things over.
18. You thrive on gossip and love spreading negativity about other people.
Putting people down temporarily lifts you up. Spilling their secrets or sharing their embarrassing moments provides a hit of self-importance. True friendship and loyalty are rare for you, as your own desire to be in the spotlight always comes first, even at the expense of someone else.
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