Almost relationships represent everything that’s wrong with the dating world today. I was stuck in a grey area with a guy for about two years and eventually, I had to get real with myself about what I wanted. If you find yourself caught in an almost relationship, here are some things to consider:
Why do you like him?
There are plenty of people in the world to date. If you’re seeing someone without being committed, you have to figure out why you keep coming back to that person. I hung out with my almost boyfriend for two years without taking it to the next level. I liked his personality so much that I wouldn’t replace him with anyone else, even though that meant staying in an ambiguous situation. We had fun, but eventually, I had to move on to something stable. If it’s him that you like, make it official (or at least try to). If you’re just shopping around, that’s fine too — just be aware of it.
Does he make you feel desired?
You deserve a guy who makes you feel wanted. Your almost boyfriend could be husband material if he keeps chasing you and keeping the thrill alive. If you’re in an almost relationship when he texts you twice a week, though, that won’t make you feel important or desired. Make sure to be with a guy who strengthens your confidence, not the opposite.
Are you with him out of convenience?
It’s great to have someone who’s always DTF on a Tuesday night and at your beck and call on the weekend. Unfortunately, convenience is all this will ever be. These guys are kind of like Chinese food — it’s easily available when you want it, but you’ll be tired of it in a few weeks. Find someone you genuinely feel passion for, even if it takes time. Keeping someone close just because it’s easy ends up with a fail.
Are you afraid of loneliness?
If the fear of loneliness motivates you to be in an almost relationship. you’re going to ruin your love life. Being comfortable on your own is essential. This is the best way to accept yourself for who you are and be confident. Feeling scared is normal, but don’t turn it into a motivation to waste your time in almost relationships.
Are you using him for status?
I dated a lord at one point (yes, an actual lord) and hung out at really cool places with his rich friends. It was fun, but the guy was a total player. Going to one or two fancy parties doesn’t justify committing your time to someone you don’t truly like. Ditch this materialistic jerk and find someone who’s not a snob ashamed to admit he likes pineapple pizza.
Why can’t you commit to each other?
This question is tough, but you need to be real with yourself for your own good. Don’t tell me you’ve never thought about why you can’t properly date your almost S.O. In my almost relationship, I thought that the reason we didn’t exclusively date was because I wanted the freedom to see other people. It took me way too long to figure out that it was all him who wanted freedom. Over time, he had managed to put this idea in my head, but it didn’t come from me. I left that almost relationship and found someone who didn’t want to sleep with anyone else.
Is it the label that freaks you out?
People try to roll casually with the whole “we don’t like labels” thing, but that’s just plain dumb. There’s nothing wrong in being a boyfriend and girlfriend in the traditional sense. Lots of people are stuck in the almost relationship grey area and desperately want to define what they’re doing. Don’t be afraid to call yourself his “girlfriend.” You’ll feel so much better once you’ve defined it.
Do you want to sleep with other people?
If your answer is no, then you definitely want to date him and you should make it official. Are you afraid to ask if he wants to be exclusive with you? The only way to make this work is to have the talk and figure out whether you’re on the same page. If he sleeps with other people and you don’t, you’re going to get really hurt. If you do want to sleep with other people, make sure he does as well so you don’t end up breaking his heart.
Where is this going?
This is the worst question of all, but it has to be asked. Do you think you’ll end up marrying this guy or is he just a glorified hookup buddy? Do you even want to get married at all? If you do, you’d better stop wasting time in an almost relationship and go look for someone you’d like to keep long-term.
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