Why I’m Not Missing The Guy Who Couldn’t Commit

Why I’m Not Missing The Guy Who Couldn’t Commit ©iStock/pixelfit

Some men just have a fear of commitment, but I’m calling BS. Sometimes this so-called “fear” is just another excuse guys make to bide their time until something better comes along. I put up with it before, but never again. I’m not missing the a-hole who couldn’t (or wouldn’t) commit to me.

  1. I’m not spending my life waiting. That’s exactly what I was doing. I was waiting for him to decide if I was the girl he wanted forever or the girl he wanted to help pass the time. I spent too much of my life waiting for him to choose to love me back the way that I loved him. He wasted my time, but I won’t waste any more time missing him.
  2. I deserve true love. Not the BS conditional love he gave me. I shouldn’t have to change myself for a guy to want to be with me, and I also shouldn’t hope for him to change for me to be happy. We should grow together and bring out the best in each other. With the guy who couldn’t commit, I always felt desperate for love. Now I know I’m worthy of real love, and there’s no desperation in that.
  3. I shouldn’t have to convince someone to be with me. We should both feel lucky to have found each other. I want a guy who wants to be with me, not a guy I have to beg to be with me. That’s not real love, and that’s not what I deserve. You can’t talk someone into loving you. They either love you or they don’t, and he certainly didn’t.
  4. He had no respect for my time. That’s why it didn’t even faze him to keep wasting it. He just kept me around until he could figure what he wanted. Our relationship was all about him — what he wanted, what he needed. That would make him happy, but I deserved happiness too. Once I let the idea of what we could have been go, I was so much happier than I ever was with him.
  5. It made me feel like I wasn’t good enough. You shouldn’t have to be with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself, and that’s exactly how it made me feel. Like if I was better then maybe, just maybe he’d commit to me; like if I changed myself into what he wanted me to be, we’d be happy. After all that energy wasted, I finally realized that what I really want to be is enough, just the way I am.
  6. He wasn’t sure if he loved me. He should have known. When you love someone, you just know. I loved him, but he wasn’t sure about me? That’s not how it works. He was just too afraid to face the fact that he didn’t love me anymore (or never really did) and I was too afraid to accept it. I wanted him to commit to forever, but that choice wasn’t automatic for him, and it should be.
  7. I found a guy who did. And he’s so much better than the guy that came before him. Heartbreak sucks, but when you find the one guy who doesn’t break your heart, he’ll be worth all the stuff you went through. Being with a guy who’s not afraid to love me and commit to me makes all the difference. The guy who can’t commit just isn’t “The One,” but on the bright side, Mr. Right is still out there.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.