I’m Trying To Be Optimistic About Dating But Guys Are Making It Tough

I really want to be open and receptive to dating new men. I try my best but I also don’t want to be stupid about it. The more I put myself out there, the more I get burned. Why would I want to keep doing something that makes me feel so terrible?

  1. I psych myself up to make an effort but don’t get anything back. It’s like they just can’t be bothered, and I definitely can’t be bothered to put up with that kind of baloney. Come on now guys, seriously? I’m not going to beg for your scraps. If you want me, at least try a little. I’m not high-maintenance, I just want someone who cares.
  2. I resolve to put myself out there but it doesn’t work any better than when I don’t. If I don’t try to date, I feel a bit bummed… but when I do, I just feel actively rejected. What’s the point? I’m a great girl with a lot to offer, but these men just think there’s always something better around the corner.
  3. I never get hit on—ever. Maybe it’s a symptom of our culture—guys don’t want to seem creepy, but there are ways to show interest that are sweet and respectful. I would never be mean to a man who treated me like a human instead of a sexual object. I wouldn’t mind getting hit on as long as it wasn’t gross, but it doesn’t happen.
  4. Sometimes I seriously feel invisible. I’ve gone months at a time minding my own business and tending to my personal life. While I always flourish professionally and physically in those stretches, I also feel practically asexual. I forget that I’m a sensual human being with a body that needs to be used. It’s bizarre.
  5. I’m a cool, decent-looking chick, but that’s not getting me anywhere. I blame the online dating culture. Everything thinks that they have endless options so they don’t even bother trying. There’s always someone else one swipe away. Funny enough, we’re still all single and dissatisfied, so what does that say about these “endless options”?
  6. When I’m open and friendly, men lose interest. I don’t know when it became so unappealing to be a nice, authentic person. God forbid. I’m approachable and I get along with everyone and somehow that’s not attractive. I guess men want some bitchy, superficial chick who they think will be crazy in bed. Guess what, buddy—try something else and you might be surprised!
  7. When I’m aloof, they still lose interest. Okay, fine, I think sometimes—I’ll play hard to get. Then they don’t want to make an ounce of effort to try and get me. They don’t want the chase and they don’t want it to be easy, either, so I’m truly at a loss here.
  8. I”m not sure what gives—I do my own thing but I’m single AF. Men always say that they want a strong, independent woman, but they don’t. They’re terrified of me or they fetishize my strength as some weird sexual turn-on. I don’t like either option. I’m not a stupid sex toy and I’m also a human being who deserves to be respected and treated well.
  9. I’m very open and receptive to dating, but guys let plans fizzle. The biggest problem here is that no one really cares that much. I’ve never seen so much apathy about dating as I do now. My peers are all waiting longer to get married, focusing on their careers, and unconcerned with finding romance. It’s not a romantic world anymore.
  10. I even try to plan things myself but it doesn’t make any difference. I’ve tried every approach I can. When I’m passive and pleasant, men disappear on me. When I take the lead, they’re either unresponsive or only perk up for a bit. I’ve never had success when I’m the aggressor so I’ve stopped trying to be.
  11. Even when I get a date, it’s generally not that exciting. I always think the guys that are proactive about going out are going to be the good ones, but that’s not always the case. Sometimes a man seems great initially and then we finally meet and it’s a train wreck. I do the best I can, but I can only do so much. I end up feeling disillusioned.
  12. I want an emotional connection, but they only want one thing. I would love to feel differently, but in my experience, the men who are meeting up with me on blind dates are pretty much just looking to get laid. It sucks. The worst part is that they’ll do and say anything to get me there, even making me believe that they really like me. Not okay.
  13. I want to take things slow but as I soon as I refuse to give them what they want, it’s game over. I want to think well of men, I really do. I have good men in my life. The men I’ve had the bad luck to date, though, have all been one and the same. It’s only been this bad recently so I don’t know what’s happened but I don’t like it. All I have to do is deny a first date kiss and they’re out.
  14. I refuse to pretend to be someone I’m not just to get a date. What’s the point? After all, I’m not the one trying to trick someone into sleeping with me. What you see is what you get, and if you don’t like, then don’t go out with me. It’s really that simple. I spent way too much of my life not liking myself to go back to that now.
  15. I really like who I am and it would be nice if a man did as well. I have lots of friends who appreciate me, so what gives? I know I’m a good person who has a ton to offer. Literally the only reason I can think of that these men aren’t biting is that they can tell I’m smart and I’m not going to be easy to screw. I hate to think that way, but I have nothing to disprove it.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.