Is He Curving You? Here’s What To Look Out For

Ghosting is nasty but at least you know it when you see it. You know where you stand and that you need to forget the loser. However, “curving” is a new dating trend that could be happening to you without you even realizing it, and it’s much more damaging than a guy disappearing into thin air.

  1. A guy who “curves” you is pretending to be on board. He enjoys talking to you and you both get along really well, but when you mention the “d” word — date — he doesn’t reply to your messages or he tries to change the subject. For instance, you ask him if he’d like to go out and he’ll ask you what your favorite restaurant is instead of answering the question. Curvers use distraction so that they can prevent a budding relationship from blooming. Soon, you’re elbow-deep in a new conversation about cool eateries and he still hasn’t said he’d like to go on a date. Sneaky bastard.
  2. He wants no strings. He might love hanging out with you on a regular basis but when you mention relationships or commitment, the dude looks like he wants to find the nearest sandpit to stick his head into. He wants to keep having sex with you without moving things forward. Curvers are all about having their cake and eating it too.
  3. He might seem like a ghoster. When he stops talking to you, like after mentioning he’ll let you know when he’s available for drinks, you might feel like he’s ghosting you because he’s so quiet. He’ll resurface soon — he wants to let some time pass so you forget what you’d been asking him and he can get things back to normal without saying when he’s free for that date.
  4. Curving is really rejection with a smile. He never saw your missed calls until you asked him about them — how convenient! He didn’t know you wanted to hang out, otherwise he would’ve totally asked you to join him and his best buddy — oh, please. He’s not sure if he can see you next week because he’s so busy at work — yeah, right. He’s really just too weak to say he’s not that into you so he’s prolonging the rejection. Coward!
  5. Curving can happen quickly when you first meet a guy. Sometimes you start talking to a guy you’ve met at a club or in the park and he’s really flirtatious and keen to chat. Then, by the end of the interaction, he drops the “I’ve got a girlfriend” bomb. WTF? It’s like he was feeling you out and seeing if you’re a match, only to pull back when he realized you weren’t. Ugh. He needs to get over himself.
  6. It can even happen in the middle of your serious relationship. You’ve been dating a guy for months and he still hasn’t really had “the talk” with you. You know you’re exclusive but he hasn’t actually said he’d like to be your boyfriend and commit to you. He seems to want to be with you, but he’s not big on making things official or taking them to the next level. Yup, you’re being curved.
  7. Your feelings don’t reflect what’s really happening. Here’s a sign to look out for that you’re being curved — your feelings of the relationship don’t match what’s really going on. For instance, you feel like a couple because you’re always behaving like one, but he hasn’t actually called you his girlfriend. Or, you feel like he really loves you because he says so, but then he gets weird when you drop the “L” word. So not cool.
  8. He “forgets” to fill you in. When you find out that the guy you’re dating has been promoted at work or his best friend is getting married, you might be shocked that he didn’t bother to tell you. When you confront him about it, he’s quick to pretend he forgot or call you “needy” for wanting to share in his life, even though you’ve been such a huge part of his life for months. Ugh. He’s really just trying to keep you at arm’s length.
  9. He “had a great time”… but not enough to call you again. After a date, the guy tells you that you’re amazing and he had such a great time. It makes you think he’s keen to see you again, but is he really? If he’s not calling you to make plans but he’s calling to ask what’s up, then he’s curving you. He’s trying to be polite and keep the door open, but he’s not keen to get serious with you.
  10. He won’t take the next step. You’re getting anxious in your relationship because it’s been seven months and your boyfriend still hasn’t told you he loves you and hasn’t said anything about a future with you. He’s trying to stall the relationship milestones from happening so you can just enjoy what you have for as long as it’s convenient for him. So lousy! Curvers are often anti-commitment.
  11. It’s a relationship u-turn. When a guy “curves” you, he’s really taking a relationship u-turn. You were headed to something, perhaps a relationship milestone like moving in together, and he decided to turn the car around. You’re now basically going back to what you had before you saw the milestone glittering on the horizon, but can things ever be the same again? If he’s always preventing your relationship evolution, you’re stuck in a dead-end with this guy and need to take the steering wheel so you can drive into your own sunset — without him bringing you down.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.