Is Your BFF toxic? 10 Signs She’s Bringing You Down

Having the love, trust, and support of strong, smart ladies around you can truly help you through even the hardest of times. But some women are more like frenemies than friends. If your gal pal is doing any of these things, consider cutting her loose and finding someone better to call your BFF:

  1. She drags you down in conversation. Your friends should build you up, but a toxic woman will never do this. In casual conversation, she’ll do anything to subtly put you down or make you feel less important than she is. Keep your ears open for statements like, “Oh, I would love to have a simple day job like yours!” This sounds like a compliment, right? On the surface it is, but there’s a strong undertone of negativity, too. What she’s actually saying is that your job isn’t as difficult or important as hers, but since she’s smiling away, you probably won’t catch the insult.
  2. She prioritizes her boyfriend over everyone else. Beware of women who make everything about their boyfriends, because they will destroy you. When this kind of girl is focused on keeping her relationship intact, she’ll do anything to protect it… even if that means putting other women down. When a toxic woman is insecure about her boyfriend, she’ll never blame him. Instead, she’ll look to every other woman in the room and believe that they’re somehow trying to entice him away.
  3. She’s always creating drama. When was the last time this girl wasn’t in the middle of some stupid squabble with other people? If you can’t remember, then she’s probably obsessed with drama. Some people feed off it. Without it, their lives are empty, which means they need it for things to seem exciting once again. Watch out, because when things are going well, this girl will go out of her way to cook up some drama.
  4. She’s not happy with herself. Ask yourself this simple question: Is your friend really content with who she is? You’ve probably never considered it before, but the answer will be glaringly obvious when you really think about it. When you have a gal pal who is down on herself, she’ll reflect that in the way she acts. Subconsciously, she thinks that if she can’t be happy, no one else should be either.
  5. She competes with you unnecessarily. Most of the time, you won’t even know you’re in a competition with this girl. As crazy as it sounds, she’s the one keeping score in her own head, not you. If she’s comparing everything from your looks to your qualifications, she’s entered you into an unspoken battle whether you like it or not. Get the hell out of there before she sucks you into fighting back.
  6. She’s gossipy. One of the best things about having close girlfriends is the fact that you can confide in them about everything. But not everyone has your best interests at heart when they listen to your deepest secrets. Some women use gossip as a way to get attention in a group setting. If this girl is using your personal life as a form of currency within her own circle of friends, it’s time to cut her off for good.
  7. Everything she says is negative. It’s incredibly difficult to stay happy and positive when you’ve got a negative Nancy chewing your ear off. If your BFF has a negative outlook on the world, it will start to affect you before you know it. If you stick around too long, you’ll end up taking on those negative vibes yourself.
  8. It’s all her, her, her. Friendship is a two-way street. When you meet up with your bestie for a coffee, you deserve to vent just as much as she does. If your relationship is almost entirely based on her talking about herself while you just sit there and listen, something is terribly wrong. You shouldn’t have to put up with that. She can talk to herself in the mirror if she wants a one-sided conversation.
  9. She wants you to fail (but won’t actually say it). If your friends won’t root for you to succeed, who will? The only reason that your pal would want you to fail is because she herself feels like a failure. She wants to keep you right down here at her level where she has a hold on you. If that sounds like your bestie, maybe you need to reevaluate the people you consider close friends.
  10. You feel anxious around her. The biggest telltale sign that your friend is toxic AF is how she makes you feel when you’re with her. She should make you look forward to catching up with her rather than dreading it. If you find that you’re anxious or uncomfortable around this girl, it’s probably not your fault. Ask yourself if she could be the one making you feel this way, and if she is, you should get rid of her for your own sanity.
Charlotte is a freelance writer who's addicted to binge-watching TV, drinking far too much coffee, and writing articles.