It’s Time We Learn The Difference Between Realistic Standards & Low Ones

It’s Time We Learn The Difference Between Realistic Standards & Low Ones ©iStock/Kiuikson

Being realistic when it comes to love isn’t the same as having low standards — they’re two completely different entities. There’s nothing wrong with having a basic set of expectations going into a relationship, so long as they’re things you’re willing to do in return. If you hate getting your hopes up only to be let down, you can create realistic standards for your relationships without lowering your standards too drastically, and here’s how:

  1. Find someone attractive. Don’t hold out for Chris Pratt’s doppelganger. You can’t expect your man to be drop dead gorgeous, but you shouldn’t settle for someone you consider unattractive, either. It’s important for you to be attracted to him unless you want your sex life to suffer.
  2. Find someone who won’t cheat. It’s unrealistic to expect him to ignore every other woman in the world. If he takes an extra long look at your waitress, let it slide. However, if he actually flirts with that waitress or makes a move on her, then you should raise your standards and find someone new to date.
  3. Find someone with a plan. Don’t expect to find a rich doctor or lawyer to buy you a mansion and a Ferrari. You can’t set out to find a wealthy man. Instead, you should set out to find a man with a plan. If he has a pretty good idea about where his future is heading, then he has a good head on his shoulders.
  4. Find someone who won’t be cruel. You can’t expect to go through life without having a nasty fight or two with your partner. It’s bound to happen. You just shouldn’t stick around if those fights get out of control. If he hits you or starts calling you names, then you should raise your standards and get the hell out of there.
  5. Find someone with common interests. You can’t expect to find a man who wants to watch all of the same TV shows as you and listen to all of the same music. However, even though opposites attract, you do want to have a few things in common. Otherwise, you won’t be able to keep your conversations going for long.
  6. Find someone who wants a similar future. You need to find a man with similar plans for his future, at least when it comes to marriage and children. However, if you can’t agree on a kid’s name or on the color of paint for your apartment, it’s not that big of a deal.
  7. Find someone who actually makes you orgasm. You shouldn’t settle for someone who won’t even try to make you orgasm. However, if you want to keep your expectations realistic, you shouldn’t mind dating someone who isn’t an expert in the bedroom. As long as he’s trying his best and can eventually get you off, you should be happy.
  8. Find someone with a respectful family. Don’t expect his relatives to treat you like the daughter they never had. Of course, you shouldn’t expect them to treat you like dirt, either. They should be respectful and polite to you, but they don’t have to become your new best friends.
  9. Find someone who gives you enough attention. You can’t expect your man to bring you flowers every night and make love to you every morning. Of course, you should expect him to give you attention when you need it, and pay attention to your problems when you feel like talking. He can’t be there for you all the time, but he should be there when you need him the most.
  10. Find someone who’s willing to compromise. Don’t expect him to let you win every fight. Don’t let him win all of those fights, either. You should learn how to compromise, so that the both of you end up somewhat happy instead of one of you ending up miserable. It’s only fair.
Holly Riordan is a writer from Long Island, New York who has authored several science fiction and horror books. A graduate of Stony Brook University, she has spent nearly a decade writing for publications including Thought Catalog, Huffington Post, Teen Vogue, and more. You can find her on Instagram @hollyrio and Twitter @hollyyrio.