It’s pretty easy to stay “friends” with an ex, especially on social media where all it takes is a button to confirm your so-called connection with someone. A recent survey found that 59% of people stay friends with their exes on Facebook, but I just can’t do it. I delete every last once of them, even the ones I ended things on good terms with — here’s why:
I don’t want to know about their lives. It’s so weird seeing my exes appear on my Facebook newsfeed. ‘John is so happy.’ Cool. ‘Michael is in Germany.’ Okay, great. ‘Matthew is growing his business.’ Really? He was always such a slacker. We’re not in each other’s lives anymore, so why would I need to know all that stuff?
I don’t want to get wrapped up in drama. I accepted an ex’s friend request on Facebook and the next thing I knew, I saw notifications from his friends expressing concern about where he was. Apparently, the guy had gone missing. It turned out to be a drug binge, but the point is that I found myself concerned and worried about someone who wasn’t even mine anymore. It was a blast from the past and stress I really didn’t want or need. Ugh.
I don’t want to be friends with people who were anything but. I’m not friends with any of my exes in RL because they violated important friendship codes when we were together, such as honesty and loyalty. So if we’re not friends, why would we connect on social media?
It’s a numbers game. Often, people add everyone they used to know on Facebook to look popular. Sometimes the exes were real a-holes and when they’d send me friend requests, I’d wonder what the hell was going on. Did they get amnesia that I would’ve known about if we’d connected on social media sooner? Could they really not remember how hostile our breakup was? The only reason I can think of for why they’d get in touch is because they were new to Facebook and wanted more friends.
I don’t want to live in the past. I wouldn’t drive past an ex’s house or give them a random call, so why would we connect on social media? Just because it makes it easier to stay connected, with convenient screens between us so it doesn’t feel as real as real life, it’s still capable of bringing me back in time, thinking of all the crap they did. No thanks.
I don’t want them to get the wrong idea. Once, I accepted a friend request from an ex and the next thing he was sending me private messages asking if we could go on a date sometime. Um, no. When a relationship is over, it’s over. It needs to stay that way.
I don’t want to see how badly they’ve aged. Seriously, this is weird AF. You log onto Facebook and see selfies of your ex and he looks bad, with nose hairs and really neglected skin on display. I’ve just had breakfast. FFS.
I want to focus on the future. My previous relationships were filled with drama and pain, so seeing my exes’ names on Facebook would be a constant reminder of that. I don’t want to feel a shot of pain every time I see their selfies because I’m over them and focused on the bright future.
They need to get over themselves. I hate when a guy who dumped me and cheated on me thinks that I’ll still be amicable. Screw that. A guy I dated years ago did this to me and it sucked to think he probably thought we’d have a fun Facebook catch-up. Yeah, even though he cheated on me for months and then broke my heart. What a loser. There are just some things you don’t do, and getting in touch with an ex who will hate you forever is one of those things.
It’s tempting to look through exes’ profiles, but it feels wrong. Of course I would be tempted to check out profiles of my exes to see what poor victims they’ve got their teeth into these days and to make sure they’ve lost their boyish good looks, but if I had to do this I fear it would become addictive. It would be like looking up news on the Kardashians even though I dislike them. WTF. It also feels creepy AF.
I’m all about the clean break. Why would I try be friends with exes on Facebook when our breakups were anything but amicable? Yes, all of my breakups were crappy. Clean breaks are best to move on and never look back, not even for a glance. Besides, all those memories – both good and bad – feel like they belong to someone else, another version of me that I’ve also left behind.
I don’t want them to know what’s going on in my life. I don’t want to know what my exes are up to, and I also don’t want them to know anything about me. Although my life is up there for acquaintances and friends to know, I get to decide who gets to see it. I don’t want exes to be commenting on things that matter to me, such as my relationship status or life events, because they sacrificed the right to do that a long time ago.
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