Some people find their person early on and never look back, but settling down has never really been my thing. I prefer my relationships to last only a few months—here’s why.
- My career is my focus. I made the decision early on that I’d make life easier for myself by putting my career first and romantic commitment second. I won’t settle down with anyone until I’ve gotten to a level of financial security and professional fulfillment that I’m totally satisfied with because there’s no way I’d be happy in a relationship if I wasn’t happy outside of it too.
- It’s possible to have a meaningful relationship with someone you don’t want to end up with. Every person I’ve ever dated has taught me something truly important and some of them have even changed my life. I’ve been totally in love with guys who I had no intention of settling down with, and that’s OK. No relationship is meaningless or a waste of time if you’re open to learning from every experience.
- I’m not ready for commitment and it’s a good thing to be able to acknowledge that. There’s a myth out there that you’re not an adult until you’re in a committed relationship, but that is completely false. I’m not ready to settle down with anyone, and to be honest, I think that makes me more of an adult than a lot of married couples I know who got together when they were really young, because you have to be okay on your own before you can be a fully functioning adult with someone else.
- I want to know what my options are before I choose someone. There are a lot of amazing people out there, and chances are you’re going to fall in love with a few of them. If I’d committed to every guy I thought was “The One,” I would have more partners than days in the year, and that would be both illegal and impractical. The point is, dating should be like samples at Costco: the more you try, the better you know which one you want to take home with you.
- My friendships are my long-term relationships. Romance is a lot more volatile than platonic relationships and shouldn’t be seen as the bedrock of your existence, and yet there’s such a huge focus in our culture on finding a partner that friendship has become depressingly undervalued. My friends are the people I invest in the most and I’ve never regretted that. No matter what we go through, we’re always there for each other. “Breaking up” isn’t an option.
- I like my relationships to be fun. I’m not looking for anything serious right now, and there’s no shame in being honest and upfront about that. There are plenty of people who are in the same boat, and you’ll probably have great relationships with them. There’s no need to pretend you’re in it for the long haul if you’re not. It may be exactly what the other person is looking for.
- I want to be free to make big life changes without anything holding me back. Once you commit to someone, none of your decisions are entirely your own. Whether you’re moving house or staying late at work, your choices affect the other person, and I’m at a point in my life where I want to be able to seize opportunities as they come and not feel the need to accommodate anyone else.
- If I really like a guy that much, I’d rather he be my BFF than my partner. As I mentioned before, friendship is more valuable to me than romantic love. If there’s a guy I adore, I’ll pretty much friend-zone him right away so I know neither of us can ruin the connection with a messy breakup. Sometimes you can have it both ways, though—some of my best friends are my exes.
- I fall in love easily. I’ll admit that I’m a romantic, forever chasing after that first rush of excitement you have for someone new. Still, I’ve never seen it as a character flaw. I’m just passionate about life and I enjoy going after things with my whole heart. If I ever find the actual “One”—which, to be honest, isn’t really something I need or want—I’m sure I’ll be ready to commit to that person. For now, I’m perfectly content with being with a new someone every few months.
- I’ve always been comfortable on my own. More than anything else, I enjoy my alone time. I don’t need or want someone else next to me every night as I fall asleep or coming home when I finish work. I enjoy living on my own and having space. Loneliness only exists when you’re not totally happy with yourself and I’ve learned to love myself completely.
