You meet an awesome guy and you hit it off right away. There’s just one little problem: not only is he not your perfect man, he’s not even your type. That’s what happened to me, but thankfully I realized some important things before I lost him for good—hopefully these lessons will help you if you find yourself in a similar position.
- The things he’s “lacking” are probably not a big deal. So he doesn’t have a spray of freckles over his nose or Prince Eric’s jawline (ugh, that animated jawline), but how important are those physical traits really? In the grand scheme of life, he’s not going to treat you better because he has sea green eyes and he’s not going to be great in bed just because he’s really tall. The things that actually matter to you in a relationship are not dictated by those physical quirks or lack of them.
- It’s important to think about why you are attracted to this guy. If you’re feeling conflicted because he’s not your “type,” ask yourself this question: why are you into him? Odds are, if he was an a-hole and not your type, you would have been done from jump street. But here you are, thinking about him constantly and waiting for his next text, so all signs point to you being into him. Is it because he’s well-read or super funny? Maybe you love how passionate he is about human rights or how easy it is to talk to him? Think about those things rather than physical attributes.
- There’s more than one way to be someone’s “type.” Thinking about why you like him will help you realize that he IS your type, just not in the ways you had imagined. You always wanted a guy who was kind and loves graphic novels, right? Well, here he is! Nobody is perfect and it’s unlikely you’re going to find someone who fills all your checkboxes. Besides, you just want someone who checks off all the right ones.
- Those guys who are your “type” are probably jerks anyway. So you always imagined yourself falling for a 6’5″ blonde surfer dude who enjoys fiddling around in the stock market on the side? Girl, that guy probably SUCKS. To be clear, not every tall, blonde, surfer/stock enthusiast is going to be a jerk, but the point is that you can’t assume that someone is going to be kind and respectful towards you, even this guy you’ve built up in your head. If you were to date a guy that fits your ideal, you could definitely discover that he’s a total tool and get your heart broken. That’s a tough way to learn that lesson.
- Why have you fixated on specific attributes that make your “perfect guy”? Do a little self-analyzing for a moment. Really think about why you crave the traits of your “perfect guy.” I always thought I was into short, rail-thin men but then when I really gave it a thought, I realized it wasn’t that I always wanted that physical body type, that was just the type of man I found myself dating. When each of those relationships started, I never thought, “Oh, yes, he’s so skinny and short!” I was just attracted to who he was as a person. The revelation that I may have tricked myself into thinking I only liked one type of person was alarming, but it’s very clarifying when you find yourself attracted to someone who’s not that type.
- No offense, but you might need to check yourself. Look, there’s nothing wrong with being attracted to a certain type of person. There’s also nothing wrong with not being attracted to someone because of a trait they have, physical or otherwise. You can’t necessarily help who you’re drawn to and who you’re not drawn to. Still, you might need to check your priorities here. If you’re really falling for this person but the ONE thing holding you back is something physical that they do or don’t have, it may be time to rethink what you’re looking for in a partner.
- When it comes down to it, there’s no such thing as a “type.” We’ve come to believe that all of us has a “type,” or people of a certain description that we’re instinctively drawn to. You might find redheads attractive, sure, but does that mean that every redhead you come across makes your pants fly off? Absolutely not. Conversely, can’t you find yourself insanely attracted to a man with brown hair? You absolutely can. Don’t restrict yourself to certain people because you think you’re supposed to — you’re the only one who’s going to miss out if you do.