How To Know On the First Date If He Wants A Relationship

First dates are tricky since they’re full of judgment calls. How much should you drink? If you’re into him, should you stay and chat for 3 hours or should we head home after the first hour to keep the mystery alive? Do we like his sense of humor or does he even have a sense of humor? But maybe the biggest question of any first date is whether the guy actually wants a relationship or if he’s just dating around/looking to hook up. Here are some signs that he is in the market for something serious.

  1. He mentions his upcoming vacation. If a guy isn’t into you, why would he mention the trip he’s about to take to Europe? And the exact day he’s going and the exact day he’s coming back? If he’s giving you a ton of details about the trip, then you can be pretty sure he wants you to know exactly where he’s going and why.
  2. He asks about your interests. If a guy wants to know about your reality TV addiction or the yoga classes you swear by, it’s a pretty good sign that he’s interested in this going somewhere. It’s a waste of time to get to know someone you don’t see anything happening with. And this goes both ways too, of course. If you find yourself asking him similar questions and are actually interested in the answers, you’re pretty smitten yourself.
  3. He actually asks you questions. Period. We’ve all been on those super dull dates when the guy just drones on and on about himself, his gym schedule, and his weird hobbies. If he cares about getting to know you, he’ll actually ask so that he can. He’s fascinated by you and wants to learn as much as he can.
  4. He talks about the near future. Mentioning the future on the first date is more than a little overwhelming, and it’s a major reason first dates never go any further. However, if this guy talks about a movie he’s seeing next week, for example, chances are he’s hoping you’ll go to that screening, too, or at least suggest something else the two of you can do. And if he keeps talking about it, you know he’s just trying to find a way to work up the courage to ask you on a second date.
  5. He doesn’t mention his ex. You’ve met the rare man who realizes it’s just not cool to talk about exes on the first date. Hallelujah. This means a couple of things. Not only is he completely over her and therefore unlikely to be fixated on her throughout your relationship, but he also doesn’t use her as a litmus with which to compare all other women. This is a great sign!
  6. You don’t get the hookup vibe. With all your other dates, you totally wished you could ask if they just wanted sex. You just have a good feeling about this one and you’re pretty sure he doesn’t expect anything to happen just yet.
  7. He talks about his friends and family. He’s already thinking about how you could fit into his world and he wants you to know about the characters that populate it. This openness about his life is promising, as it means if you do get together, he probably won’t try to keep you a secret.
  8. He tells you he’s having fun and/or compliments you. This can be creepy or flattering depending. Let’s hope for flattering. Also, pay attention to the kind of compliments he gives you. It’s nice for a guy to be into your appearance, but even better for him to be turned on by your mind.
  9. He extends the date. A second location is usually a good sign. So if you’ve spent three hours at the same bar and he suggests moving things to a nearby café, you can be confident you’re getting a second date.
  10. He lines up the second date while the first one is still happening. This is the biggest sign ever that he’s interested in a relationship with you. And of course he does: You’re awesome. So naturally, he can’t wait to see you again. So now you just have to decide if you feel the same way.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.