I still can’t believe I did this, but I pretended that my ex wanted to get back together with me just to see if my boyfriend was still invested in our relationship. The second those words flew out of my mouth, I knew it was a mistake and now I feel like I’ve messed everything up.
I was feeling insecure and thought it would make him more committed to me. I guess the idea to lie about my ex wanting to get back together dawned on me when I noticed my boyfriend was starting to pull away. I had to show him that I’m worth paying attention to, that if he doesn’t start showing up, there’ll be another guy waiting to snatch me away. It sounded like the perfect scenario but it ended up being a horrible idea.
He didn’t get as jealous as I thought he would. Honestly, I was a little disappointed with how he reacted. I was expecting him to freak out and get super mad but he just asked a couple of questions and then went quiet. I guess if he did freak out, he might have called my ex or something and then that would have been a whole other awkward situation I would have had to deal with. I should really just start telling the truth.
The fact that I felt like I needed to lie is saying something… Afterward, I immediately was disgusted with myself. I mean, how manipulative was I being? Maybe this is a sign that I shouldn’t be in a relationship and also that I’m way too jealous for my own good.
I guess I just wanted him to know that I’m valuable. The real reason I did all this was that I wanted to find a way to show him that I’m a desirable person. That he should feel lucky to have me in his life. That if other guys are asking me out, he should be appreciating me more than he currently is! I can’t tell if I’m just being insane or if he’s being a bad boyfriend and not paying attention to me.
He wanted to see the message and then I caved. I was so busy making a huge scene out of this elaborate lie that I totally forgot that he might want to see what my ex actually wrote. That’s when things got awkward. I said that I deleted the messages so he wouldn’t accidentally see them, but then he was like, “There are no messages, are there?” My poker face sucks, obviously.
If I knew his ex contacted him, I’d be super jealous. I don’t understand how someone can be so cool and chill about the prospect of an ex-partner trying to get back together with your current girlfriend. I’d lose my mind, but my boyfriend just kinda shrugged his shoulders and moved on with the conversation. Does this mean that he doesn’t really care about this relationship? I’ve opened up a huge can of worms.
I had a sneaking suspicion that he was texting his ex. OK, confession time. Another reason I pulled this stunt was that I had a hunch that he was texting his ex and I wanted to see what his thoughts were on the matter. I felt that he was pulling away for a couple of weeks and I’m pretty sure I knew the reason why. I just wanted to see if he thought the idea if exes getting back in contact while one of them is in a relationship sounded like a bad idea to him.
I was just testing him. I shouldn’t feel so bad about this because I was really feeling unsure about how he was feeling about our relationship and sometimes you have to go to extremes to find out how someone really feels about you. I got my answer and I found out that he doesn’t really care.
He probably thinks I’m insane now. I don’t think I’ll ever live down the shame from this experience. He probably thinks I’m lying about everything now. I feel like I’ve ruined any chance of us trusting each other ever and it was all pointless.
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