Listen Up, Men – Here’s What You Don’t Understand About Women’s Bodies

It’s no secret that men love to look at the female form. Clothed women, naked women, it doesn’t matter. What is more of a secret is what is going on inside of our beautiful bodies. Some men get “grossed out” and never take the time to understand that what’s going on inside of us dramatically affects the outside. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s bad, but if you guys don’t know, you should. So what don’t you understand?

Foreplay. It’s necessary – extremely necessary. If you want to have sex with a girl, you need to get on the foreplay train. It doesn’t have to last an hour, but I swear it will make for much better sex. Get us riled up. Get us in the mood. Be generous with us so that we want to be generous in return. If you can give us an orgasm before sex, you’re golden. In short, oral on us goes a long way, and you get bonus points if you just got for it. If you like it, we’ll love it even more. And please, stimulate the clitoris as much as you can during foreplay. If you do, your girl will be your sex goddess.

PMS. Let’s clarify this from the get-go. Women’s periods and PMS are NOT the same thing. PMS includes not-so-lovely symptoms that actually happen between the time a woman ovulates and when she gets her period. These symptoms are physical and emotional and can include: mood swings, acne, food cravings, depression, irritability and tender breasts. However, please don’t say we’re PMS-ing if we happen to call you out on your BS if we have our period. It’s not PMS, you’re just acting like a jerk.

Periods. We bleed from 3-7 days and do not die. If men bled for 3-7 days, we’d likely have a WWIII already. This period (pun intended) of time when we’re shedding the lining of our uterus should never be referred to as oral week. If you thought we were cranky during PMS, we won’t be any better when you add massive bloating to that list of symptoms. Please be extra patient during this time.

Mani/Pedis. Guys think it’s silly, but there’s nothing like a little mani/pedi to giave a gal a quick pick-me-up. You may think it’s a waste of time and don’t care what shade of pink we put on our nails, but it makes us feel good. Also, we’ve heard men taking notice when our hands look  unkempt, so next time we say we’re heading to the nail salon, just smile and nod.

Breast size. You know how you feel about your D? Yeah, that’s how we feel about our boobs, except no one knows what you’ve got hidden in your pants unless you’re already getting busy. Women’s breasts are out there for everyone can see and guesstimate what cup size we’re working with. Not every woman with small boobs is jealous of women with large boobs, or vice versa. That being said, we can be sensitive about whether our cups runneth over or not, so please don’t make remarks about how hot another girl’s boobs are that are the exact opposite of ours. As a bonus note, our breast size can change when we gain or lose weight and will be a completely different pair after pregnancy. Bottom line – if you’re touching any size boobs, be grateful.

Acne. We thought that after our awkward teen years, acne would be as distant of a memory as who was on homecoming court. Thanks to our hormones, that’s not the case. We know if we have a pimple – trust me. When we have one pesky pimple or a full-on breakout, we’re trying every drying lotion and serum to get rid of it and depleting the world’s concealer supply to cover it up. If you notice our pimples, please keep it to yourself.

Gaining or losing weight. As difficult as it is to admit, for most women, at least part of our self-esteem is tied to our body image. Please use caution if you’re ever going to bring up a woman’s weight, skinny or not as skinny. There’s nothing that can make us feel insecure faster than not only knowing our body has changed but knowing that you realize there’s been a change. Unless a drastic change or fluctuation either way is a direct result of a condition that could be damaging to our health, it’s best to pretend you don’t notice.

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