I Love Being Single But No One Believes Me — And It’s Annoying AF

I’m single AF and for right now, I like it that way. I love my life and the fact that I don’t have a guy in it doesn’t make everything meaningless. I love being on my own — I’m just sick of hearing these 11 things when I tell people that:

  1. “Aren’t you afraid of growing old alone?” Every time I hear this, I’m like, “Holy crap, slow down. I’m not that old.” Just because it used to be normal for people to marry straight out of high school or even college doesn’t mean I have to follow that guideline. I’m not some old cat lady. I still have my youth and age is just a number anyway, so I wish people would stop rushing me. I have plenty of time to find someone but right now I’m enjoying life with just me.
  2. “Don’t you want kids someday?” Why are people so worried about my biological clock ticking when I’m not? Just because I love being single right now doesn’t mean I plan on being this way forever. I have plenty of time for kids and a family. I definitely want to have kids someday but I’m not ready for a husband or a family right now.
  3. “You just haven’t met the right guy yet, but you will.” Thanks for the reassurance, but you can keep the pity. I’m not just saying I love the single life so that I don’t sound bitter. I’m saying I love the single love because I actually do. I love being free and on my own. I love having this time to figure out who I am and what I want out of life. I’m not saying this as a defense mechanism, I’m saying it because it’s true.
  4. “Isn’t it time for you to settle down?” All I can think is: isn’t it time to mind your own damn business? People don’t get to pass judgment on my life. It’s my life to live and I’m going to live it as I see fit. There’s no specific timeline for settling down. I’ll give up the single life when I’m good and ready, and that’s that.
  5. “You’re missing out on all love has to offer.” No one should spend their adult life bouncing around from relationship to relationship. I truly believe that everyone should have the experience of being single and learning to enjoy it. I’m not missing out — I’m living my life to the fullest. I’m being selfish while I still can. Right now, my life is all about me and I love that too. In fact, the people who say this crap to me have obviously missed out by never having the chance to feel what I feel every day — pure independence and freedom.
  6. “Aren’t you lonely, though?” Okay, once and for all, not all single women sit around our houses with all our cats crying about how lonely we are. I’m perfectly fine being on my own. In fact, I like being alone. I’m just an independent person and I think loneliness is a state of mind. I could dwell on the fact that I don’t have a significant other in my life but I’m not going to. I still have friends, family, my dog, and myself. Regardless of what other people think, I’m far from alone.
  7. “Don’t you want to be happy?” I just said that I love being single, so what about that tells people I’m unhappy? Happiness doesn’t depend on whether or not there’s a dude in my life. I’m in control of my own happiness. I can’t allow my state of mind to depend on a guy. Sure, someday I’m hoping to meet a man that will make my life even better, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t already good now. I have a lot going for me. I’m happy and despite what anyone thinks, being happily single is actually possible.
  8. “I don’t get hookup culture.” The assumptions I receive are unbelievable. Just because I love being single doesn’t mean I’m into hookup culture. In fact, I’ve never had meaningless sex in my life, so I wish people would stop jumping to conclusions and judging women for our sex lives in general. Even if I was into hookup culture, that’s not anyone else’s business. I should be free to abstain from or participate in sex as I please. People need to keep their opinions to themselves.
  9. “I was already married by your age.” OMG, good for them! No, seriously, it’s great that they found love right away and were ready for that kind of commitment, but I’m not and I’m also not going to feel bad about that. There are no time limits on when women should be married. I don’t have to follow some weird kind of societal rule. I love my life the way things are and my age has no bearing on that.
  10. “But you’re so pretty.” First of all, there is more to me than just my looks. I mean, I appreciate the compliment, but I’d also like to believe that the guy I end up with would care about more than just my pretty face. That being said, they say this as if I’d better find someone now before my looks fade. Newsflash: a guy like that is not the guy I want to end up with. I want a guy who loves me for who I am on the inside and either way, I don’t think that aging will mean I can no longer be beautiful.
  11. “That’s the spirit — keep telling yourself just that.” Why does no one believe that this statement can be true? Are people seriously admiring me for not constantly wallowing in self-pity? I don’t need anyone to cheer me on like I’m some sad broad who needs all the support I can get. I’m not telling myself something that isn’t true until it actually becomes true — I’m saying how I feel. I just wish every once in a while someone would actually listen.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.