I Made The First Move & Got The Guy But I’ll Never Do It Again—Here’s Why

I thought it was no big deal to make the first move on a guy who’d been my friend for a really long time. I knew I could trust him and I could sort of tell there were feelings between us, which encouraged me to take my destiny into my own hands. Unfortunately, I wish I hadn’t gone there.

I got what I wanted. That sounds like a good thing, but hear me out. This guy and I were at a party one night when we decided to go for a walk alone together. I plucked up the courage to tell him that I liked him as more than a friend. He was really pleased and said he felt the same. We kissed! It should’ve been fantastic, but it made me realize that getting what I wanted was actually a curse instead of a blessing.

I wasn’t sure if he really did feel the same or was just being agreeable. I knew I liked him a lot, there was no doubt about that, but could I really trust that he liked me in the same way? He seemed eager enough, but I was saddled with doubts. However, we started dating and quickly became an actual couple. I could see he was really into me; he treated me well and we had a lot of great times together.

But… I couldn’t help but feel that there was something wrong with our relationship. I felt like I wasn’t getting exactly what I wanted. He always told me how much he liked me, but I couldn’t get rid of the voice inside my head asking me, “If he liked you so much, then didn’t he ask you out? Why did he wait for you to make the first move?”

It isn’t a big deal, is it? I know it probably sounds petty to say that I couldn’t relax and enjoy the relationship because I’d had to make the first move, but I honestly felt cheated out of a great relationship because of it.

I doubt we would have dated if I hadn’t stepped up to the plate. I decided to ask him what he thought about this one day when I couldn’t take it anymore. I needed to know if he would ever have made a move on me or if he was content to sit back and potentially miss out on a relationship with me. He acted a little insecure when I brought it up. He stuttered a lot until he eventually admitted that he was really shy and probably would never have had the courage to ask me out. What? Really?

I told him he didn’t like me enough. Come on, everyone’s read He’s Just Not That Into You. Everyone knows that no matter how shy a guy is, if he really likes a woman, he’ll ask her out. He’s not going to waste his time or hers! I told him this and he didn’t really have a response. Great.

I felt cheated. And it wasn’t just because he hadn’t had the guts or feelings to make the first move, it was because I felt more for him than he did for me, and this was still the case even though we were a couple. This imbalance was a thorn in my side.

I want someone who’ll snap me up. This situation made me realize what I really want from a relationship. I want a guy who’s not afraid to snap me up because he’s more afraid that some other guy will come along and sweep me off my feet. This guy was sort of “meh” about the whole deal, which was really upsetting.

I got the guy but not the relationship I deserved. I really liked this guy and I wanted to date him ASAP, which is what pushed me to take a chance and ask him out. But clearly getting the guy wasn’t always a guarantee that the relationship was going to be amazing. Just because he accepted my first move, it didn’t mean that he reciprocated my strong feelings.

I refuse to make the first move ever again.  I know it’s cool for women to take the initiative and all that, but it’s just not for me. I want the guy to show me just how much he likes me and can’t bear to be without me. If he does this, I promise that I won’t play hard to get. I’ll show him just how much I like him back, so he won’t be in the position of doubting my feelings. Is all that too much to ask for?

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