Hearing “I Love You” Means Nothing If He Doesn’t Back It Up With His Actions

I’ve had a few men say they love me but after the relationship ended, I realized that even though they said those magical words, I never truly felt loved by them. No matter what, actions speak louder than words, so the next man who dares to tell me he loves me needs to know how to show it too.

  1. I want a partner who’ll always be there for me. I don’t want someone who’s just going to say he’ll be there but when I really need him is nowhere to be found. I want a man I can count on. I’m an independent woman but I still want someone I can depend on when times get tough. I want a shoulder to cry on and someone to help pick me back up when I’m down. At the end of the day, I want to feel like I’m not alone.
  2. I don’t want to wonder if his words are sincere. I shouldn’t have to wonder if the guy I’m with really loves me. I want someone who’s willing to put his money where his mouth is and really show me that he loves me rather than simply saying the words. I want to be able to trust the man I’m with entirely. I want him to put in the work to build that trust and I don’t ever want him to tell me something he doesn’t really mean or make promises he has no intention of keeping.
  3. I don’t want someone who uses their love against me. The fact that a guy claims to love me doesn’t mean he gets automatic forgiveness when he screws up. I want a partner who knows that actions have consequences. I want him to think of how his actions will affect me. If we’re going to share our lives together then he needs to really love me and not just assume that if he says those three precious words, I’ll let him walk all over me.
  4. I want a guy who’s going to make an effort. I’m willing to work hard for a good relationship, but only if the guy I’m with is willing to do the same. I want to be equal partners each making an equal effort. How much he puts into our relationship will show me just how much or how little he cares. A man who makes no effort will never win my heart.
  5. I never want to feel like I’m low on his list of priorities. I want to be wanted by a guy. I have no interest in being someone else’s burden. I know any man I date will have a full list of priorities already, but I want one who will do whatever it takes to be with me. If he doesn’t have the time, he’ll make the time. If I don’t feel important to him then really, what’s the point?
  6. I want someone who’s not afraid to plan a future with me. Some men want to live in the now, but I don’t want to focus on the present and forget about the future. I want someone who’s not afraid to make an actual commitment to me, someone who may not know what the future brings but knows he wants me to be there with him. I want to be able to talk about marriage, kids, and our careers. I want to plan a life with someone, not just a few moments.
  7. I want a man who loves me the best he can no matter who we’re with. I don’t want him to pretend like he’s too cool to be a good boyfriend when we’re with his bros. I don’t want him to put me in the middle of his family drama. I want a man who stands with me no matter who’s in the room. At the end of the day, I just want someone who’s not afraid to be good to me because that’s what I deserve.
  8. I want to be with someone who’s willing to fight for me. I want a guy who’s going to love me even when he doesn’t like me. We’re going to fight—we’ll have our ups and downs, but I need a partner who will be there through it all, fighting for our relationship every step of the way. I want to be with someone who makes it clear he has no intention of ever giving up on our love or me.
  9. I want to feel safe and secure in his arms. I don’t want to worry that he’s going to leave me. I don’t want to wonder where he was or whom he was with. I want complete trust and honesty. I don’t want to wake up every day wondering if this could be the end of our relationship. I want a man who makes me feel like no matter how much life changes one thing never will—his love for me.
  10. I want to feel like there’s nobody else he’d rather be with. I believe in “The One” and I want a guy who does too. I want to feel like soulmates, not like he could be just as happy with someone else. I should feel truly appreciated by the man I’m with. If I’m going to find the kind of love that makes me feel like the luckiest girl in the world, he better feel just as blessed to have found me.
  11. I want him to back up his words with actions. A guy can say the most amazing things in the world to me but they mean nothing if he doesn’t back up his words with actions. Too many guys walk around spitting out words that they don’t really mean. I want to fall in love with not just the things he says, but the way he treats me. No matter what if I can’t feel his love then for me, it just isn’t real.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.