When it comes to love, it’s common for men (and pretty much everyone) to mess up at some point. Whether it’s a lack of communication or a lapse in judgment, navigating a relationship requires a certain level of self-awareness. Here are the 23 most prevalent mistakes men make in relationships.
1. Letting the romance die
When a man has been in a relationship for a while, it’s common that he’ll get comfortable. That means no more romance—no random flowers, no intense expressions of love, and no physical affection. Just because you’ve been with someone a long time doesn’t mean that they don’t deserve to be courted.
2. Forgetting to say those three words
At the beginning of your relationship, the I love yous were flowing pretty freely. You didn’t miss one chance to let your partner know how you felt. Since you’ve felt settled, the ILYs have become fewer and farther between. Your partner knows that you love them, so what’s the point in saying it 50 times a day, right? Wrong. Even if your partner knows, it’s still nice to hear.
3. Letting your appearance suffer
When you first started dating her, you were probably extremely aware of how you looked, smelled, and presented yourself. But now? You walk around donning your out-of-style sweatpants and shirt with a million holes in it—come to think of it, did you even put deodorant on today? Everyone gets comfortable, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to see you all dressed up from time to time.
4. Making your relationship the only focus
You’ve fallen into a routine—you work all week and then you relax all weekend with your S.O. They’re easy, built-in plans that you don’t have to worry about scheduling. We’re all for being with your partner, but when you start to only hang out with your partner and neglect other relationships, you may be too dependent on them.
5. Putting your bros or hobbies ahead of her
There’s one side: being too dependent on your partner and then the opposite: prioritizing things before your partner. Again, as we said, we’re all for nurturing the other relationships in your life and following your passions through hobbies. But when your romantic relationship starts to suffer because of it, that’s when you need to redirect your attention back to your partner.
6. Being physically there, but not emotionally
Your partner complains that you never hang out and you could not be more confused. By default of living together, you’re together pretty much 24/7. But being physically there and emotionally there are two separate things. You could be sitting on the couch, but if you’re on your phone or somewhere else mentally, you’re not really hanging out. You have to carve out intentional time to be emotionally present with your S.O.
7. Expecting your partner to be a mind-reader
Picture this: you’ve been really craving steak and you come home to find your partner cooked salmon. You get angry because they should just know you wanted a nice filet, right? Wrong. That’s obviously an extreme example, but it demonstrates how silly it is to expect your partner to know what you’re thinking without telling them. One word: communication.
8. Focusing too much on the past
It seems like every time you and your partner argue you end up back at the incident from a few years ago (you know the one). Not only is it extremely unproductive to the matter at hand, but it creates a tense environment in which forgiveness, grace, and acceptance are lacking. We all make mistakes, and being able to get past them together is what’s important.
9. Not hearing her
You might have heard this before (or not, because you weren’t listening—sorry, had to). It’s one of the most common things that happens when someone has gotten too comfy in a relationship. Whether you automatically tune out when your partner starts talking about house chores or you just nod yes when she’s telling you about your weekend plans, you may be hearing her but you’re not hearing her. Active listening is an important component of having a healthy relationship.
10. Not speaking up
This is a cousin of not listening. Maybe you don’t share how you’re feeling or just the mundane stuff that goes on in your head—either way, when you don’t talk to your partner it leads to misunderstanding in the relationship. Your partner wants to know what you’re thinking, even if it’s something negative. If you can’t express your concerns to your partner, who are you going to express them to?
11. Avoiding conflict like the plague
We get it, no one likes fighting. It’s stressful and just all around not a good time. But conflict is pretty much a given in any relationship, besides it’s how you handle it that matters. So if you find yourself leaving whenever an argument starts to brew or just nodding to appease your partner, you’re being avoidant. Your partner wants to know how you feel and you should want to know how they feel, too!
12. Withholding hugs and kisses
Maybe there’s an unresolved conflict that’s been looming over you and your partner for quite some time now. Instead of facing it head-on (because as we said, you avoid conflict) you turn to a different tactic: withholding your affection. This is a passive-aggressive move that won’t go over well long or short-term. All it does is lead to feelings of neglect, insecurity, and disconnection. You don’t want that, right?
13. Falling prey to the comparison trap
With social media and the constant influx of happy relationships, engagement announcements, and more it’s hard not to compare yourself. But you’re looking at someone’s highlight reel, not behind the scenes, so it does you no good to compare when you don’t even have a 360 perspective of someone else’s situation. Focus inward on your own relationship, not outward on other people’s relationships.
14. Not owning up
You could’ve sworn it was your partner’s turn to unload the dishwasher or was it? You tend to shirk your responsibilities and blame your partner for not reminding you. But there’s a better way: taking ownership when you’re wrong. Admitting your mistakes doesn’t make you a weak person, it makes you a mature person.
15. Throwing effort out the window
Who does most of the housework in your relationship? If the answer is your partner, it’s probably time to change that. Sure, she always does the cooking, cleaning, and upkeep and you’re used to that. But put yourself in your partner’s shoes for a second—if you did all of the work, wouldn’t you want them to help pick up some slack? Chances are, they’d really appreciate it if you took it upon yourself to pitch in. Otherwise, she may start to resent you.
16. Not supporting your partner’s goals
Maybe your partner is on a mission to become a marathoner or is hoping to start a side hustle. Whatever their dream is, you could be better at supporting it. We’re not saying you need to go on runs with your S.O. or get into business together (though, that’d be nice), we’re just saying to ask your partner how you can support them best so they can achieve their goals. You want them to win, right? Right. So help them get there.
17. Being unable to compromise
When a relationship begins, you can expect some compromise. But when you’ve gotten settled into a relationship, compromise doesn’t always come so easily. You know that you don’t need to “impress” your S.O. so no, you’d rather not go to that concert or hang out with their friends. But compromise is one of the hallmarks of a healthy relationship and a little bit goes a long way.
18. Not acknowledging small gestures
When you’ve been in your relationship for a while, you might miss all of the little things your partner does for you. Whether that’s waking up a few minutes earlier so they can make your morning cup of coffee or baking your favorite treat just ‘cuz, these are things that you’ve come to expect. Showing a little gratitude for the little things will let your partner know that you appreciate them.
19. Invalidating your partner’s feelings
You may not agree with what your partner’s saying or how they view certain situations, but that doesn’t mean their feelings are invalid. When you belittle your partner’s emotions, it’s hurtful and can often lead to resentment. So, even if you don’t agree or don’t understand, validate your partner for feeling what they’re feeling. It’ll go a long way in the relationship.
20. Not taking initiative
Since the inception of your relationship, your partner has been the one who makes all of the plans. All you have to do is show up, but sooner or later (likely sooner) that gets old. This goes back to giving up the romance—how much would your partner appreciate it if you took the lead on planning a date or coordinated with her family to plan a get-together?
21. Avoiding intimacy
Whether it’s emotional or physical, you don’t know the last time you really connected with your partner. Sure, we all get busy and bogged down with work, but this is another important part of a relationship that shouldn’t be neglected. It could be as simple as giving your partner a long hug at the end of the day or just holding their hand while you watch TV. However, you can show even a little bit of intimacy is better than nothing at all.
22. Not asking for support
It’s more than just not asking for help. Even when your partner offers a hand, you vehemently refuse it, you’re an independent man after all! While that may be true, part of being in a partnership is knowing that your person is there to help you through the challenging times. Don’t be too proud—it’s what your S.O. is here for.
23. Taking your partner for granted
When you’ve been chillin’ in a relationship for a long time, you learn to expect certain things—like the fact that your partner is always going to be there. But it’s important to actively appreciate your partner for who they are and all of the good things they bring to your life.
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