When I met him, I was sure I’d finally met “The One”! You know what they say about things that seem too good to be true, though—they almost always are.
I let myself fall hard. I loved everything about him and never got tired of being with him. I’d never experienced this before, but it felt like it was a really deep connection. Not only was he hot and sweet, but he was also a lot like me. We had so much in common that sometimes I joked with my friends that he was the male version of me.
Things were straight out of a fairytale. I couldn’t believe my luck! We got along great, never had a fight or even a disagreement, and life was pure bliss. I felt sad for all my friends who were in complicated and confusing relationships because mine really was perfect. Then the bubble burst.
I got slapped down to earth. My boyfriend went from being a great guy to being distant and moody seemingly overnight. This happened around the seven-month mark of our relationship. We went away for a weekend holiday and things started to feel like they were falling apart. What the hell?
Was this the end of the honeymoon phase? I started to wonder if this was just the end of that initial glow in relationships that people talk about. I knew that it had to end, but I thought that it was supposed to give way to something deeper and more satisfying. Whatever was going on with my boyfriend and me wasn’t good.
I started noticing our differences. I initially thought he was the male version of me, but I started to realize that wasn’t true at all. The more I got to know him and spend time with him, the more I saw how different we were. Even worse than being different from me, he wasn’t someone I’d ever have expected myself to be with. He really wasn’t my type! Yikes.
He was toxic. He was always trying to push my boundaries and was always asking me for money because he was going through a “rough patch” that conveniently never came to an end. He could be really childish and sulky, and sometimes I’d look at him and think, “Did I really thought he was going to be my perfect guy?”
He was faking it all along. I knew that it was impossible for him to have changed so much during our relationship. I know that sometimes guys do that to turn the women they’re dating off or push them away, but he still wanted to be with me so that wasn’t a viable explanation for how much he’d changed. I realized that he’d been faking his personality all this time just so that he’d have me where he wanted me.
Looking back, I see the signs. I can see the love-bombing he pulled early on in our relationship: the spontaneous road trips, the delivery of roses to my workplace, the romantic helicopter ride on my birthday. It felt overwhelming at the time and now I could see why. It was too much too soon. He was putting on an act.
He tried to be Prince Charming. Thanks to this guy, I realized that toxic men don’t come into your life and straight up act crazy. Of course not. They have to hide their agendas and pretend to be the most charming, loving, understanding, and supportive guys in the world so that they can wrap their partners around their little fingers. That’s what he did to me.
Now instead of being my dream guy, he was my nightmare. He’d been downgraded from “perfect guy” to “big problem in my life.” He had so many issues and he was trying to use me to help him through them. He wasn’t even a nice guy anymore, and many times it felt like I didn’t even exist. Sometimes he’d call me and ramble off about himself without even asking me how I was doing or how my day was. It was clear he was selfish and a totally toxic guy, but because I was his GF, I’d somehow thought that I had to be the one to carry him along. Wrong!
I was done with the poison. He’d affected me in ways I hadn’t realized. It was like I’d been inhaling poisonous air while dating him and only when I walked away from him did I see its effects on how I felt and behaved. I was tired, depressed, and lonely AF. I missed being single because I’d been so much happier on my own. Instead of trying to make my disastrous relationship work, I decided to focus on my life for a change without him in it. He could dump his problems on someone else’s doorstep. Forget him—I was going to be my own soulmate.
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