If My Matches Don’t Ask For A Date Within A Week, I Stop Responding To Their Messages

On one hand, guys on Tinder are usually upfront about what they’re looking for and Bumble is perfect because it doesn’t take much to get the conversation going. On the other hand, it can feel like Groundhog Day where you’re having the same conversation over and over with a different set of eyes and hair. I’m at the point that if my matches don’t ask to meet me within about a week, I either unmatch, block, or ghost.

  1. I hate small talk. It’s exhausting for this introvert. I’m the kind of person who would rather have her co-workers ignore my existence than ask how it’s going every one of the six times a day we run into each other in the hallway. I’m the same way when I’m online dating. I’m good, my day was fine, my weekend was great, and I’m looking for something that makes this thread different than all the other messages in my inbox.
  2. I work long shifts and don’t text much at work. In 10 hours, I might check my phone three times. I have a hard enough time making myself take a break to call and make a dentist appointment, let alone text back and forth on Bumble. Why don’t we use the time I can text to figure out when and where to meet up this week? Here’s a hint: I’ll never turn down pizza or nachos.
  3. I’m in a very busy season of life. I have limited availability in the evenings and on the weekends because of grad school. Ideally, I’d meet someone who fits perfectly into all the busyness, but I don’t know who to integrate into my life until I’m meeting my dates in person. He’s literally showing that he’s within a 5-mile radius, so I don’t understand why we can’t get together after work tomorrow.
  4. I’m easily bored. I can’t help it. There are just so many other things I’d rather be doing than chatting with a local match for weeks on end before meeting up. Like, has he been sick? Has he been traveling for work? He has a better chance at keeping my attention sitting across a table from me than blowing up my phone. Unless I see a missed message asking me out on a date, it might take approximately 3-5 business days for me to respond.
  5. I like to double date. My friends are always surprised when I tell them I purposefully try to schedule two different dates on the same night. Meet one for dinner and the other for drinks and it always makes for an interesting night and delicious (and usually free) food. I don’t know if it’s that I like the thrill of trying to call my date by the right name or if I’m really just wanting to weed out guys as quickly as possible. What can I say? I’d rather know where this is heading sooner rather than later.
  6. I want us both to meet our person. If you think about it, every time you date someone who turns out not to be the right person, it could be delaying you from meeting a stronger match. I’m serious about finding my person and I don’t want to keep anyone from meeting theirs. Let’s just cut to the chase, yeah?
  7. Texting can be hard to decode. After a long day at work, I can be really dense and miss all kinds of cues and flirting. Our best bet at making sure we’re not getting or giving mixed signals is to meet up for coffee and get to know each other better.
  8. I want to experience that spark as early as possible. Chances are, I’m talking to a guy because his face looks symmetrical and I wouldn’t be disappointed to stare at it for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, I feel the same way about my other matches—nothing more, nothing less. The real test is in real life. I want to meet the guy so he can make me laugh until I snort and so I can hear if he does that super cute thing with his voice where he acts like he can’t hear me just so he can move closer.
  9. What’s the point in dragging this on? I no longer give out my number before meeting in person, so Facetime and texting are a no-go and I need to make sure I’m not being catfished as soon as possible. There’s no use in catching feelings if he’s not who he says he is and if who he is isn’t right for me anyway.
Jasmine is a freelance writer living in the Midwest. Her hobbies include solo international travel, hiking, and reading.