Is He Leading Me On? 14 Clear Signs He’ll Never Commit

While you might think he has great intentions to hang out and date you, he might actually be making you waste your time on him. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone! It’s not always easy to know for sure if someone’s being genuine or faking the connection and leading you on. If you really like the guy, this can make it even more difficult to know where he’s at and if he’s keen on something real. Here are 14 signs he’s not the real deal.

  1. He’s a convenient chatter. When he gets in touch, is it just because he needs something? Does he only text you when it’s convenient for him? If you’re always the one being left on “read” but then expected to jump and reply whenever he wants to talk, this points to inconsistent texting, which is a sign he could be leading you on.
  2. He plans to make plans. He might say he wants to hook up soon, but then he doesn’t make concrete plans. Or he might say, “I should invite you to my place,” but then he doesn’t complete his sentence or follow up. So, you might think he’s keen to hang out and enjoys your company, but then he doesn’t really show you that he likes you enough to make you a priority in his life.
  3. “Girlfriend” is a curse word. If you’ve been dating for several weeks and things are progressing but he still hasn’t called you his girlfriend, the guy could be leading you on. There’s no valid reason why he’d want to avoid relationship labels unless he doesn’t want to have to live up to them or show the world that he’s taken.
  4. He doesn’t sign off with his name. It’s shady if the guy writes a birthday card for you that’s really sweet and sentimental but then he doesn’t sign off with his name. While this might not seem like a big deal, it’s the written equivalent of not wanting to pose with you for pictures when you’re out in public. He doesn’t want to make whatever you’ve got going a “thing.”
  5. He ain’t ready. He’s never ready to do things you want. For example, he might not be ready to introduce you to his best friends or his parents. Or, he might not be ready to take things to a more serious emotional level. If it feels like dating him is a giant waiting room, that’s a red flag.
  6. He’s always saying sorry. A guy who’s really keen on you and wants to date you won’t have to be sorry for canceling on you again or not being able to see you on the weekend. He’ll make time because you’re his priority. So, be wary of the guy who’s always got excuses for why he can’t do things and who always says sorry.
  7. He bounces after opening up. If he’s open with you and isn’t afraid to be vulnerable, but then he blows cold and disappears for a few days, he’s giving you mixed messages. If he always backs away from you just after it feels like you’ve hit an emotional milestone, that’s a red flag that he’s leading you on.
  8. He rushes in. You know to look out for love bombing, but the guy could be throwing on lots of charm and attention in a way that feels genuine. The key is to look at how quickly he seems to be falling for you. Even if it seems legit, it’s still good to be wary so that you don’t become a victim of being led on.
  9. He repeats the same phrases. What’s frustrating about this guy is that talking to him sometimes feels like he’s a broken record. When you ask him something related to what he wants from you or what he wants from a relationship in general, he keeps saying the same thing without elaborating on his feelings. For example, he might say, “I’m happy with how things are right now.” It’s so annoying.
  10. He leaves you waiting. He doesn’t text you consistently. He might make contact but then he leaves the conversation hanging, so you’re always waiting for his next reply but often it doesn’t even come. A guy who’s not leading you on will want to chat to you regularly and properly. No half-chats that leave you bored.
  11. He’s only there when you pop the champagne. He’s never anywhere to be found when you need him or you’re going through a tough time, but he’ll be the first one to head over to your place when the good times are rolling. He only wants to have fun but doesn’t want to invest in real life, like the difficult, stressful times.
  12. His gifts aren’t thoughtful. This guy might be big on the grand gestures, but he doesn’t give you thoughtful gifts or ones that are unique to you. So, for example, he’ll buy you a massive bouquet of red roses, but he won’t source your favorite peony flower.
  13. He gets loved up on booze. He doesn’t really show you his feelings, but then he gets drunk or high and suddenly the floodgates open. While you might think these substances reveal his truth, if he can’t say what he means when he’s sober they don’t mean anything.
  14. He doesn’t give sex his all. The sex might be great, but does he seem like he’s just not invested in it? Is he only keen on achieving his own sexual pleasure? If a guy isn’t really putting effort into the sex, it can feel like he’s just going through the motions. A guy who’s keen on something real with you will invest in building physical intimacy, and you’ll feel that he’s making real effort. You deserve to hit all those “O”s!
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.