The More You Stress About Finding “The One,” The Less Likely You Are To Find Him

The More You Stress About Finding “The One,” The Less Likely You Are To Find Him ©iStock/okskukuruza

Many times, the pressure to find your soulmate is so intense that it’s hard to enjoy dating in the first place. Lots of us want to find our “forever person”, but that journey is often a long one, and rushing it along isn’t going to do you any favors. If you notice yourself doing these things, it might be time to take a deep breath and let things happen naturally rather than worrying about finding your future husband.

  1. You give a chance to guys you’re not immediately attracted to. Most dating experts tell us to have realistic expectations, and some of us feel it’s almost our duty to give a genuinely nice guy a chance. Fair enough, but dating guys that are just nice while hoping that their character will make up for the complete lack of the chemistry is a lost cause. When it comes to sexual chemistry, use your instinct more than your brain and stick to guys YOU like.
  2. You don’t enjoy dating. First dates are supposed to be fun and free of drama. They aren’t the moment to decide if a guy could be your future husband or not. When you spend your dates thinking, comparing and analyzing instead of just enjoying the moment, you send out desperate signals that the other person cannot ignore.
  3. You feel like you’re running out of time. Tinder and other sites have made it possible for everyone to date literally a different person every day. When you constantly obsess over growing older and missing your opportunity to find love, you’re more likely to bypass a great guy and move on quickly to the next one. Then one day, you’ll find yourself in a vicious dating cycle that it’s hard to break. Everyone stresses over growing older, whether they’re single or not — don’t let it affect whether or not you settle for someone who isn’t right for you.
  4. You lose perspective. Relationships are complex, and nobody’s perfect. Things such as who texted first or who took longer to reply can mean something in today’s dating culture, but they’re not everything. Take a deep breath and let things happen without force. If something is good, it’ll last.
  5. You’re too hard on yourself and let your self-esteem run low. The more we search for love, the more we wonder what’s wrong with us. If we’re so great, then why are we still single? You may scrutinize your appearance and personality and wrongly blame yourself for the situation you’re in. But confidence is the name of the game, and you’ll go nowhere without it. Never forget that being single doesn’t mean you’re not a catch!
  6. You see red flags everywhere. Having dated so many guys that were wrong for you, you can see disaster from afar. But be careful — you might also see red flags where there aren’t any. Give others the benefit of the doubt before you let negativity affect your judgment.
  7. You end up overreacting when things go wrong. Women aren’t perfect, and neither are men. By losing it completely when a guy you’ve gone on two dates with doesn’t respond to your text, it shows him you’re a little too stressed, to put it mildly.
  8. You try too hard. Not all guys are ready to introduce you to their family or move into your apartment when they know you for only a month. Putting pressure on someone when he clearly isn’t ready to take things to the next level has never helped anyone in the history of relationships.
  9. Instead of trusting your gut, you ask others what to do. Friends are very important in our lives and they give us a great deal of emotional support. But when you constantly need reassurance about your love life, you aren’t acting like you’re in charge of your life.
  10. You compare your life to your friends’ and don’t focus on yourself. Love isn’t a race. Just as someone’s job promotion says nothing about how happy they are in real life, relationships aren’t proof that someone is happier or better off than you. The more you compare yourself to others, the less likely you’re to find something great and meaningful for YOU.
Chrisa is a freelance travel and lifestyle journalist who is obsessed with urban life, big cities, and untold stories.