My Boyfriend Started Living with My Ex & It Sucked

Last summer, both my current boyfriend and my ex needed a new place to live and, being friends at the time, they decided to move in together. I tried to be the “cool girlfriend” who didn’t care, but the truth is that the entire experience was just awful. One year and multiple ruined friendships later, I’m still questioning why I didn’t intervene from the start and ask my boyfriend what the hell was he thinking.

  1. My ex and I were on OK but not great terms. I tried to pretend everything was fine between us since we hung around in the same social circle. Unfortunately, my ex and I had a very rough end to our relationship, and even though I was over him, I still harbored a lot of resentment for the fact that he was so unapologetic about the things he did to me. Admittedly, there was still a bit of bad blood between us and I hated being around him.
  2. Nobody asked how I felt. I know that it wasn’t my decision and on the surface, it probably did look like I was fine with the situation. Still, it would’ve been nice if my feelings at the time were at least considered. However, neither my boyfriend nor my ex thought to ask me how I felt about them sharing a living space. After all, I know my boyfriend would have had a problem with me moving in with his own ex, and I’m sure my ex would have also thought about the situation differently if the tables were turned. Why wasn’t I a consideration?
  3. Move-in day was super awkward. It wouldn’t have been too bad had it not been for the fact that my ex suddenly decided that it was a good time to return some of my long-lost stuff to me. These were items that had been left with him back when we were dating, and I’d asked him repeatedly for months to return them before eventually giving up. Then suddenly, there he was returning my clothing, including some lingerie, right in front of my boyfriend. Not cool!
  4. My ex was still seeing the girl he left me for. Even though I definitely didn’t want him back and was happy with my current boyfriend, I still felt a pang of hurt every time his girlfriend was around. After all, when you’re left for someone else, it’s not necessarily the love that’s lost that hurts the most, it’s the fact that your partner blatantly decided someone else was better than you. Things got even more awkward when they eventually broke up and it was yet another thing my ex blamed me for.
  5. My ex screwed over my boyfriend in so many ways. When my boyfriend first told me he was thinking about living with my ex, I wanted to scream and say, “No! He’ll just take advantage of you like he does everyone else!” I didn’t because I wanted to be the cool girlfriend, remember? Of course, just like my ex had screwed over so many others before him, my boyfriend eventually found himself losing money, constantly cleaning up messes he didn’t make, and having his patience tested daily.
  6. My ex didn’t respect our privacy. Whenever I was over there, my ex couldn’t (or wouldn’t) seem to take a hint that my boyfriend and I sometimes just wanted to spend time alone. A few times, he just waltzed on into my boyfriend’s room while I was sleeping over and wouldn’t leave until directly told to do so. It felt as though my ex didn’t view us as a real couple, and he even confirmed this to me when I confronted him about his rude and inappropriate behavior.
  7. I was so embarrassed that I ever dated that guy.  I’m a grown woman and I admit when I make mistakes. But as time went on, it became obvious that my ex was no ordinary mistake. The more I saw how horrible he was as my boyfriend’s roommate, the more humiliated I became about the fact that I’d ever dated him in the first place. How did I ever let myself get fooled into thinking he was someone else?
  8. Friendships were seriously damaged. Whatever semblance of friendship my ex and I had cultivated since our breakup eventually dissipated while he was my boyfriend’s roommate. Likewise, he and my boyfriend also stopped being friends during the experience. As if all of this wasn’t bad enough, multiple other friendships were strained when people went over to the apartment and had to suffer through the constant tension that was there.
  9. The whole experience made my boyfriend an angrier person. Needless to say, my boyfriend ended up regretting his decision to live with my ex. Even though my ex was the one personally breaking things around the apartment on a regular basis and using both the hallway and the living room as his personal laundry room, he’s not the type of person who ever truly sees anything as his fault. Having such a bad roommate brought out a side to my boyfriend I’m not sure either of us even knew existed, and it wasn’t pretty. They haven’t lived together for months now, but he’s still working on getting over everything that happened. I’m personally just happy it’s over and now my ex is out of both of our lives for good.
Brianna Gunter is an NYC-born Jersey girl now living in the Rocky Mountains. A graduate of The College of New Jersey's journalism program, her work has appeared in a multitude of publications both online and in print. When not writing about life as a millennial, she can be found hiking, hunting for pizza or making new dog friends.