It’s like making toast and dropping it on the floor, butter side down. When it comes to romance, loss and love go hand in hand. For most relationships, it’s not a matter of if things will end; it’s a matter of when. And when your dreams of forever turn to ash and dust in your hands, sometimes the only thing left to do is grieve what you had and try to move on with your life. Which is easier said than done — especially when you realize that you never really had him at all.
You always knew that something was off.
You might have fallen head over heels from the start, but looking back it seems obvious that both his feet were always planted firmly on the ground. Caught up in the whirlwind of new romance, it was easy to ignore at first… but as time went on, it became impossible to ignore. There was always something not quite right between you, but when push came to shove, you wanted it badly enough that you didn’t mind turning a blind eye.
Sometimes it felt like you were dating a ghost.
It wasn’t just the way he could casually disappear off the face of the world for days on end with zero communication (though there’s no pretending that wasn’t a factor too). When you were with him, it always felt like you were living in the moment and he was somewhere else entirely. Long distance relationships are hard on everyone… especially when you’re both in the same room, but he’s simultaneously on an entirely different astral plane.
There’s a reason he never texted you back.
If he’d ever been yours, he would’ve been there for you. You know that now… and let’s get real: you knew it then, too. When you love someone, you pick up the phone… but when it came to you, he couldn’t even be bothered to remember the phone had been invented. You would’ve given up your Netflix account for so much as a smoke signal or a carrier pigeon, and he couldn’t even manage a text. And if that wasn’t enough of a red flag…
The harder you tried to hang on, the harder he pulled away.
They say when you love someone, you’re supposed to let them go… but you knew if you let that happen, he’d be out the door and gone for good. The fear of losing him outweighed any fear of being clingy, needy or even acting downright insane. But now that he’s out of the picture, you know that the really insane thing was thinking he was ever even yours to hold onto in the first place.
Giving someone your heart doesn’t guarantee they’ll give you theirs.
If love was a game of fair exchange, you’d have to hand out your heart to every fedora-wearing neckbeard who did a little heavy breathing in your direction. Lucky for you, you still have the right to tell those guys exactly where they can stick their friendzone… but unfortunately, it also means that he had every right to throw away something that could’ve been great if he’d only just given it a chance.
It doesn’t matter how much you give when you get nothing in return.
Your relationship with him was like digging a hole in the ground and emptying bucket after bucket of water into it, only to watch every ounce disappear into dirt and mud. At the very least, now you know that there was nothing you could have done; you could have given him the universe at his fingertips, and he still would have put it aside so he could play Call of Duty with his bros.
Relationships are built for two.
The only thing that could possibly be less fun than riding a tandem bicycle? Riding a tandem bicycle and being the only one peddling. Up a hill. In a snowstorm. While wearing a minidress and heels. It’s not much of a relationship at all when you’re the only one trying. The only thing you lost when you “lost” him was dead weight.
Once he was gone, it was like he was never even with you at all.
Even as you called it quits, there’s no pretending you weren’t hanging onto the hope that it would hurt him. That he’d care. That he’d realize what he had lost and that he’d come crawling back to you. And of course, a little begging for forgiveness wouldn’t have hurt. In reality? He barely even blinked. His life went on more or less unchanged… because in reality, he was never all that invested to begin with.
Some people just can’t be claimed.
Blame it on what you will. Commitment issues, stress, a bad relationship with his mother, or maybe even just the emotional range and maturity of your average house plant — whatever his deal was, it’s his to deal with now. You’re not responsible for his inability to see a good thing when he had it — whether or not he’s realized it now that you’re gone.
You might not have lost him, but he certainly lost you.
Maybe it doesn’t happen overnight. Maybe it happens slowly, over many, many years. But someday, it will dawn on him how lucky he was to have someone care about him the way you cared. It will hit him like a sock full of bricks: that he gave you nothing, and you were prepared to give him everything. You deserve someone who’s willing to go all-in. He had that. He had you. But he was an idiot, so he threw it all away.
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