If you’ve been on-again and off-again with the same guy, you’re either in the position where you think you’re stuck forever or you think you may be soulmates. Something keeps drawing you back in. When the two of you break up, it’s easy to think about the mental montage of good times and wonder whether or not you made the wrong call. If one (or more) of these situations is true, you didn’t.
He cheated on you with a friend.
This happens so often, and women are more tempted to take him back than the friend back. Honestly, dump them both. They both knew what they were doing and both think so little of you to think that sneaking behind your back was a good idea. He didn’t even give you enough respect to break up with you first.
He refuses to acknowledge the work you put into your responsibilities.
If you share a space and constantly cleaning up after his messes, literally the least he could do is tell you he appreciates it. Constantly being put down in your relationship shows a lack of respect. If the two of you break up, think about all the free time you’ll have now that you won’t have to do his dishes or make sure his living room is presentable when his parents visit. You’re not his maid, you’re his girlfriend.
He has a violent temper.
If this guy yells, throws things, punches the wall, or puts you down when he’s angry, good riddance. You should never be afraid of your boyfriend, and you deserve much more than this. Even if everything else about him is perfect, having such a bad temper and resorting to verbal abuse is the perfect reason to run. If you’re thinking about rekindling the relationship, maybe think back to how much his words hurt you and his temper scared you.
He tells you that you’re lucky to have him.
Just think about that statement for a second. He’s so worried that you’ll realize that you could do better that he’s trying to prevent you from even thinking about the situation. Everyone deserves a loving relationship. Everyone deserves to be loved in their relationship. Stay broken up with him and prove him wrong.
He lost a lot of money.
You’re not with a guy because he’s rich, but dependability is a great trait to have when you’ve been dating someone for a long time. If this guy goes off to the casino and loses a ton of money, goes out to the bar and buys everyone a round of drinks, or simply doesn’t know where his money goes? Then he’s got some issues. Don’t continue to be involved with his bad decisions.
He’s called you a “slut” or the c-word.
Harmless ribbing is one thing. But using offensive terminology is something else. A guy who respects you will never call you either of these two terms, even as a joke. Unless it’s part of an inside joke that you’re completely OK with (and the chance of that being true is slim) don’t give a second chance to a jerk who calls you names.
He ruined your property.
Did he drive your car and get in a wreck? Or, maybe he caused a small kitchen fire after he tried to make a midnight pizza when he was drunk. Accidents happen, but unless he truly asked for forgiveness (and paid you back for the money you spent repairing the damages) he just has no respect for your stuff. That’s not going to change the second time you start dating.
He really doesn’t get along with your family.
If you love your family and he publicly can’t stand him, just know that this wasn’t a natural match. He can have negative feelings about them, but if he refuses to hang out with them—or worse, bans you from hanging out with them—then you have issues. Sometimes we need to be in the same room as people we don’t like. By refusing to even show up to a family event to support you, he’s showing that he’s rude and immature. Friction between him and your family will also put you in the middle of a lot of arguments and debates.
He threatens to hurt himself if you don’t take him back.
Mental health is serious and he needs to get the help he needs if he’s noticing extreme patterns of depression. But if he uses “I’m going to kill myself” as a reason to get you to stay every time, he’s playing mind games with you. It’s scary to feel like you’re responsible for someone else’s extreme life choices. Instead of getting back together with him, call the police to do a wellness check on him.
He talks about you negatively online.
Whenever the two of you have a fight, he seems to air his feelings on Twitter. Suddenly, you’ve become a punchline. Everyone can’t believe how crazy of a girlfriend you are. When words are said online, they can be deleted but they can’t be removed forever. If he’s using your arguments as a way to gain pity, tell him that you’re not going to take him back so that he has more material for his social media pages.
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