Fighting for the person you love is about being willing to compromise, see the other person’s perspective, and commit to each other. It’s about showing up every single day. I was willing to fight for you but you broke my heart by walking away and it still plays on my mind.
I gave you everything. I entered our relationship totally ready to commit. Once we were official and exclusive, I hardly even noticed anyone else around me. It was all about you. But I never felt like you were on the same level of commitment. For example, you could easily go AWOL on me for a few days at a time, not behaving much like a boyfriend. I, on the other hand, was always there – too ready and available.
I was always making moves. I was the one who was making contact with you to keep things going. I didn’t want to lose momentum. We’d been dating for three months and by this time I thought we’d be on a more secure foundation. But we weren’t. My friend once asked me why I was chasing you, which stung only because it was so true. If I had to back off, I wondered if you’d make any effort to come find me. I had my doubts.
It was time to talk. I had to confront you. I wanted to secure my footing in our relationship, or whatever this was, so I talked to you about how I was feeling. I wanted to have a heart to heart about how I felt neglected in the relationship so we could work on things. My big mistake was getting in touch with you via text. I should’ve saved this big talk for when I saw you. You didn’t even bother to reply to me.
I waited for you to reach out. It took you two days – TWO DAYS – to text me. Instead of being willing to talk to me about what was on my mind, you invited me out to dinner. Weird, but maybe you just wanted to chat in person, which I felt good about.
It became a fight! Instead of having a heart-to-heart chat over delicious food at your home, we ended up knee-deep in an argument. You said you felt like I wanted too much from you. Yikes. I asked you how we could sort through our issues and reach some middle ground. Could you reach me halfway so that you made me feel like you actually wanted to be with me, FFS? If you could do that, I wouldn’t feel like some desperate, clingy person!
I was thrown into silence. Instead of resolving things right there and then, you said you needed some time. I tried to see things from your perspective. Maybe you wanted to think through what we’d said, but I hated leaving your apartment feeling like our fight was put on ice halfway through. Nothing felt resolved.
I was ghosted. Shockingly, you never got in touch with me again. I called you the next day, wanting to chat through things in a calmer way, but you never answered the phone. I tried to give you more time, but the hours and days were accumulating until it had been a whole week without hearing from you.
Our relationship came down to this. It wasn’t even a relationship. A person who’s dating you seriously won’t just go AWOL like this and not want to talk things through. But I couldn’t let go. I texted you to ask you what was going on and to remind you how much I wanted to make things work. You never had the decency to answer me, even. I never heard from you again.
I wanted to fight for you. I was trying to fight for you, for our relationship, but now the fight had gone out of me. Who could blame me? I couldn’t be the one to do all the chasing to make things work. I was so done trying to prove myself and my love to you.
I can’t fight for someone who’s not there. Relationships take two willing, committed parties who trust each other and are keen to work things out for the greater good of the relationship. I could try to fight for us to work out all I wanted, but I was alone in my quest. What kind of relationship is that? I don’t want to put any energy into someone who’s a man-child and can’t be real.
I’d rather fight for myself. This relationship and how it fell apart so quickly made me realize that it’s better to fight for myself instead of someone who’s not worth my sweat and tears. Stepping away from this guy and moving on even though he left me with so many questions and no closure was a move in the right direction – towards myself. I had to give myself the love and commitment he wouldn’t give me. I had to choose myself and my health instead of this toxic guy.
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