I’ll Never Live With A Boyfriend—He’ll Have To Be My Husband First

I never have any intention of letting my partner move in with me. It’s not about being old-fashioned or anything like that, I just don’t see any real purpose of creating a massively stressful situation that just leads to a quicker breakup.

  1. It’s MY place, not theirs. Why would I move someone in when it’s my place? We didn’t buy it together. I’m not giving up my space to let some guy I’m just dating can move in all his crap. I bought my place and it’s all mine. He’s welcome to come over or spend the night sometimes, but I don’t want him there all the time. Call me selfish, but I’m pretty sure he’s got his own place to go back to.
  2. What if it doesn’t work out? More often than not, it’s not going to work out. This means I’d have a guy living with me that I’m suddenly dumping. Great, now I have some depressed, pissed off guy who wants me out of the way as he moves his stuff out. Not going to happen. He’ll end up damaging or “accidentally” taking something of mine while he’s at it. Nope, I’ll avoid the drama and keep our places separate.
  3. There’s not enough room for two. I got a place specifically for me. I didn’t buy it with someone else’s needs in mind. I don’t care if I have three guest rooms and a few extra baths (OK, so maybe I’m still dreaming here)—there’s only room enough for me and people I invite over. Trust me, I have every space spoken for even if it’s just for my cat to lounge around.
  4. He’ll just turn into a moocher. I’m not saying every partner would turn into a mooch, but many do. After all, I’d be welcoming him into my home. Why should he pay the bills? I was handling the rent and utilities before him—at least, that’s his line of reasoning. I don’t need a grown man thinking I’m going to keep him. He’s much better off taking care of himself in his own place.
  5. I really don’t want his friends coming over. I’m not always going to like my partner’s friends and if I don’t, I definitely don’t want them in my house. Of course, if he’s living with me, he’s going to want to bring them over. Sorry, but I own the place and I get to make the rules. I’d rather just not have the yelling match about trying to control his life and just live apart.
  6. I like having some time to myself. I’ve lived with family and I know how difficult it is to get a moment to myself. I want to be able to go home and have the entire place to myself. No questions about my day, no asking me to help him do something, no negotiating what to watch or anything else. I just want peace and quiet (in the form of loud music, that is).
  7. Can’t we just spend the night sometimes? Isn’t it enough to just have adult sleepovers sometimes? After all, we both have jobs and other commitments, so really, we wouldn’t spend that much more time together if we lived in the same place. Why deal with cramming all of our stuff into one apartment when it just makes it harder and more time-consuming to clean? I’d rather spend the night and leave the next morning than cohabitate.
  8. That’ll be the end of the relationship moving forward. While I’m in no hurry to get married, I usually see relationships go one of two ways. First, they date for a while and then get married. Second, they date, move in together, and either live together permanently or break up. Basically, once your partner moves in, forget about the relationship really progressing. I know it works out occasionally, but overall, not that often. I’d like to at least give my relationships a chance of moving further.
  9. I’d rather buy a shared place. If I did decide to live with my partner, I’d rather have a shared place. This way we get something we both want. To me, this represents an even bigger commitment. Plus, if our names are both on the lease or mortgage, we should be responsible for all the bills.
  10. Why should I have to make so many compromises? Letting my partner move in feels like saying, “Go ahead and walk all over me.” It may sound drastic, but a partner feels like a guest at first, which means you make compromises. Suddenly, I’d be making all these compromises to make my partner feel more welcome in my home. By the time he’s comfortable, he has everything he wants and I’m wondering what the hell happened.
  11. Everyone starts pushing for kids. Hate the pressure everyone puts on you to have kids when you’re dating someone? Just move in together and see what happens. I don’t want anyone thinking things are more serious than they are. If we live apart and date, the pressure is there but it’s not so bad. The moment you announce you’re living together, all bets are off.
  12. What happens when we fight? It’s great right now. If I fight with my partner, we go back to our separate homes to cool down. If we start living together, there’s nowhere to go. I’m stuck going to another room, but when I’m pissed, I don’t even want to hear the sounds of his footsteps or breathing.
  13. If he can’t wait for marriage, then I don’t want them. I’ve had a few guys tell me if I couldn’t commit to either moving in with them or vice versa, then I must not be serious. My response is that if he can’t wait until marriage to live together, then I’m not interested. I’m only sharing my space if there’s a ring on my finger. That’s the only compromise I’m making and frankly, I’m not even sure I’d be 100% thrilled about giving up my freedom living on my own.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.