I’ve Never Met A Great Guy On A Dating App But I Can’t Seem To Stop Looking

It’s a catch-22—I hate using apps but I keep giving up and going back to them because I’m simply not meeting anyone organically. Seriously, what’s a girl to do in this bleak dating landscape?

  1. They’re totally addictive. Just like any other app—Instagram, for example—dating apps get addictive. I check them compulsively without hardly realizing it. I only use one, at least, but even then I’m always like, what if I’m somehow missing out on someone? Better look!
  2. They’re an easy distraction. It’s like playing a video game or something, except you’re playing for hearts. How strange. It’s a time suck and I don’t have time to waste, which is why I should clearly cut it out. Still, I somehow keep going back.
  3. I manage to remain hopeful. I’m jaded and eternally optimistic at the same time. I know it’s weird. Ninety percent of me thinks it’s a waste of time, but that 10 percent hopeless romantic that’s still in there thinks but maybe, just maybe, something might work out. Try as I might, I just can’t give up entirely. I keep thinking I’ll give it just one more chance.
  4. I don’t know how else to find new guys. I live in a huge city and somehow never meet new people. My circles have gotten too small and I don’t go out much. I quit the apps, go a while, meet no one, get frustrated and get back on. It’s the worst but what else do I do? It’s so tough to meet anyone, let alone someone I actually like.
  5. I’m looking for something very specific. It’s tough to find what I’m looking for organically without immediate cross-examination. The one plus side of apps is that you can read a guy’s profile to see if there’s any chance of compatibility at all first. It can be really helpful at weeding out guys who are cute but basic AF.
  6. It’s commitment-free. I don’t have to lock myself into anything if I don’t want. On the one hand, I hate how impersonal it is. It’s way too hard to get a real feel for what someone is like. On the other hand, I can talk a little and figure out if someone is totally lame before I waste an evening on him. I don’t have enough free time to go on terrible dates.
  7. I like knowing certain things about a guy right away. I’m all about getting down to business. I ask about my deal breakers right away because I don’t want to waste anyone’s time. It may not seem romantic or natural, but neither are dating apps. I need to know crucial information before proceeding.
  8. The pictures are entertaining. I freely admit that I have a huge folder of horrible dating profile pictures that I’ve collected and share with my friends for amusement. With some of the ridiculous crap these douches put up, they deserve it. I seriously can’t believe it sometimes. I wonder if they still get girls to swipe right.
  9. I’m very cynical, but yet… Yeah, I really don’t see much chance of meeting my soulmate through online messages. Most of the guys who look really compatible with me don’t even answer. Go figure. Still, I’m not going on dates any other way, so I guess it can’t hurt. It’s not like guys are falling all over themselves to ask me out.
  10. It’s free. I don’t take it seriously enough to use a paid service. Let’s be real, I’m not going to commit that much time and energy to meeting someone online. As long as it’s not dipping into my bank account, I don’t have to feel any stress or sense of urgency. If I use it, fine. If I don’t, also fine.
  11. I like the temporary ego boost. It’s not like men are running up to me in public and hitting on me, so at least this makes me feel like guys still find me attractive. I think a lot of people use apps for this reason. It makes me feel better about myself and I don’t have to get all dressed up and go out to get compliments. I can feel pretty in my sweats on the couch.
  12. It makes me feel like at least someone out there is interested. It’s so tough to meet people out. I’m kind of shy and never think the guys I like will like me back. Nice guys don’t want to seem creepy so they don’t even approach girls. No one talks to each other anymore! What are we even doing? Maybe it’s different in other cities, but where I am, it’s freaking hopeless.
  13. It’s a fun topic of discussion with friends. Sad but true—pretty much all my single friends are also on apps. Some of us have been approached by the same guys. It’s just one more amusing topic of conversation for us over brunch or drinks. We bond over our miserable experiences.
  14. I like to know what’s out there. If nothing else, dating apps give me a bit of an idea of who is out there, single, and looking. I certainly have no idea based on living my daily life. It’s too hard to figure out who is single, taken, or gay, let alone who I might actually like. As much as they suck, I don’t know what to do except keep using them.
A former actress who has always loved the art of the written word, Amy is excited to be here sharing her stories! She just completed her first novel, and is also a contributor for Elite Daily, Dirty & Thirty, and Thought Catalog. Amy is the founder of What If Journey and can be found on Twitter @amyhorton18. You can also visit her website at amyhorton.net.