If you’re always having drama in your life — at work, with other people, in your relationship, etc. — it’s tempting to fall into the mindset that the world is out to get you and that everyone else is the problem. However, have you ever stopped to consider the common denominator in all of your problems? As much as it sucks to admit it, it’s you. Here’s how you know that you’re the root of the problems in your life. The sooner you face the facts, the sooner you can change your life for the better.
You’re constantly surrounded by conflict.
It seems like not a day goes by that you’re not having some kind of conflict. Whether you’re in a fight with your best friend, at odds with your partner, or ready to walk out of your job because your boss is getting on your case, there’s never a dull moment in your life, and that’s not normal. Sure, people have drama every once in a while, but if your everyday experiences could easily serve as an episode of reality TV, you clearly have a problem. Maybe you thrive on drama because you’re scared of life becoming “boring,” but you could probably use a little boredom in your life at this point.
You struggle to maintain long-term friendships.
Many people have friends in their social circle that they’ve known since kindergarten, but not you. In fact, none of your friendships go much further back than a year or two because you always end up in explosive fights or chaotic situations that put an end to these connections pretty quickly. Most of the time, the reasons you’re friendships aren’t even major — and if they are, it’s usually because of something you’ve done but refused to take responsibility/make amends for.
You’re quick to blame everyone else.
No one wants to be around someone who thinks they never do anything wrong and is happy to throw anyone and everyone else under the bus to save their own skin. Human beings mess up — sometimes pretty badly — but people are usually happy to extend a bit of grace and forgiveness when you fess up and genuinely apologize for it. Instead, you point the finger at the nearest person and stubbornly insist that you’re not responsible for your own actions. Yikes.
You can’t remember the last time you said “I’m sorry.”
On the rare occasion you can’t skirt responsibility for something screwed-up you did, you would think the next natural action would be to apologize and try to make amends. However, that’s not how things go for you. When you have no choice but to own your behavior, you expect the admission to be enough and that everyone should just get over it and move on with no further action needed on your behalf. The world doesn’t work that way, and the fact that you think it does means you’re definitely the problem.
You’re always the victim in your own stories.
In your world, bad things happen to you, not because of you. When people call you out on your BS or you face the (negative) consequences of your actions, you immediately snap into victim mode. You’re the poor, innocent person who’s been targeted by the cold, mean world and it’s so unfair. The reality, of course, is that you can’t always get away with some of the crap you pull. You’re not the victim, you’re the perpetrator.
You have a “my way or the highway” attitude.
Compromise is a must in pretty much all areas of life. Being willing to meet people halfway so that you can help each other out and everyone’s needs are fulfilled is just part of being a decent human being, but that’s just not part of your rule book. You want things done the way you want, when you want, and you don’t budge on it. Of course, life doesn’t work that way, so when you make these kinds of inappropriate demands, most people don’t react all that well. You’ve probably been accused of not being a team player at work, or maybe you even lost friends or relationships over your selfish ways.
You’re consistently late or unreliable.
There’s a work meeting scheduled for 9 a.m. sharp, but you waltz in at 9:15 because you needed to stop at Starbucks for your latte. You told your best friend you’d go with them to grab dinner on Friday night but then completely flake on following up and making plans (and you ignore their texts when they come in). People can’t rely on you because you work on your own schedule with zero consideration for anyone else’s. When people can’t trust you to fulfill your commitments or be there for them when they need you, they’re not going to want you around for much longer.
You’re always complaining.
Everyone loves a good whine now and then, but you take it to a whole new level. Even minor inconveniences are major dramas in your eyes, and you’ll go on and on and on about small mishaps for hours (or even days or weeks!) after everyone else has moved on. You whine about the weather, about the printer being out of paper, about the person walking too slowly in front of you… If you can’t think of the last time something positive came out of your mouth, that should tell you all you need to know. It’s draining to be around!
You get angry or defensive really quickly.
A lot of people have short fuses, but you take it to a whole new level. In addition to complaining about everything, you also get really hyped up about the smallest stuff to the point that people around you often remark on how full of rage you are. Your anger issues aren’t all, either — you’re also incredibly defensive, jumping down people’s throats if they word a question in way you don’t like or if they happen to interrupt you when you’re doing something else. You need to calm down and get a grip!
You’re a know-it-all who doesn’t listen.
Conversations are meant to be two-way streets in which both people get to have their way. While the other person talks, you listen, and as you exchange ideas, you potentially learn new things (or at least have new things to think about). Not for you! Your convos are usually more like one-(wo)man shows, with you spouting off soliloquies about the topic of the day, even if you don’t actually know much about it. You’d literally tell a cardiologist how to perform heart surgery even though you work admin at an IT company. Zip it sometimes and listen to what people who know what they’re talking about have to say. You might learn something!
You’re a chronic gossip or crap-talker.
I don’t feel like I have to explain why this is so problematic. Gossiping is something middle schoolers do, not grown adults. If you spend a fair amount of time talking about people behind their backs, spreading rumors and judging them on parts of their lives you think you know about but really don’t understand, you have and are a problem. Grow up.
You’re jealous of other people.
While it’s normal to feel a little envious at times if someone has something you want, most of us know that there’s plenty of room in the world for everyone to succeed and be happy. However, your jealousy sometimes eats you alive, making you hateful of people because of what they have that you don’t. This kind of toxic energy is not the way to go, and it’ll only leave you feeling isolated and alone (rightfully so, I might add).
You refuse to learn or grow.
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If you’re not religious at all, you might believe that we only have a finite time on this planet in which to make our mark. If we’re lucky, we get, what, 80 years or so to learn, grow, and experience everything the world has to offer. Doing so is a continual process that never has an end — there’s always room for more. As we learn, we become more empathetic, open-minded, and just better people all around. However, self-growth isn’t really of interest in you because you seem to think you’re already a finished product. Your loss — don’t be surprised when everyone leaves you behind.
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